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By: Family First Indiana

During this coronavirus outbreak, many of us are stuck at home with our partner and children. You might see this as a great opportunity for some quality family time that your normal routine typically doesn’t allow. But once you’ve played all the board games in your house and watched The Little Mermaid for the fourth time since Friday, stir-craziness might start setting in, causing tension and an ever-thinning patience. Family bonding can strengthen your relationships, but 24/7 interaction in a confined space isn’t always ideal. In this situation, boundaries are key! 

 

Take a look at the following tips on how to set and maintain healthy boundaries to keep your spirits high during this time of uncertainty.

 

REGULATING STRESSFUL EMOTIONS

The rapid spread of Covid-19 and the vulnerability of older people has stressed the current healthcare system, causing governments to mandate drastic measures to contain the spread of the disease. Fitting our whole lives into our homes is inherently going to cause some friction, but the sooner we can figure out a temporary new normal, the better. On a macro level, sitting with uncertainty can cause a general feeling of stress. Adding more localized stressors like teaching or entertaining kids all day, adjusting to working from home, looking for work after being let go, or worrying about money and food can ramp up anxiety even further. It’s important to know your stressors and recognize when they begin to pile on top of each other.

– Take time to be present with your own situation. Understand what’s expected of you from the government, your boss, your family. Don’t get caught up in all the “what-ifs” and what next week or next month will look like. Day by day and hour by hour, focus on the present moment.

– Focus on what you can control. Most of us aren’t doctors or healthcare workers on the front lines of virus defense. Right now, our work is in our household. The best thing you can do right now is make sure you and your family are okay. This means setting boundaries when things get overwhelming. Take everyone’s feelings seriously (this means your own too) by talking things out or writing in a journal. Find a balance that works for you when consuming daily news. Do what you can to stay informed, but take breaks to limit feeling overwhelmed.

– Maintain both mental and physical health. If you feel creeping anxiety, try to channel those feelings into physical activity. Preferably something you enjoy, whether it’s yoga, running, weightlifting, whatever. Exercise can have a calming effect and fill our brains with “feel-good” chemicals. Additionally, now that our focus is narrowed to home life, try to use this time to make healthy food choices. Try three meals a day full of fruits and vegetables to help you feel as balanced as possible.

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

The family’s all in this together, and it can be hard to navigate exactly what our kids need from us in this weird upside-down time. Channeling the endless energy of children with a finite amount of space and activities is a challenge. Here are a few suggestions that can help.

– Establish rhythms. Children need structure; a properly established routine helps kids feel secure and attached to something. Without rhythms, unhelpful behaviors can pop up such as irritation and defiance. To avoid these, know that giving kids what they need, not what they want, is best in the long run. Start by establishing a bedtime and wake up time. This makes sure that kids get the right amount of sleep and gives you as a parent some down time to recharge your batteries. Add into your schedule some daily activities such as schoolwork and reading time. These should fall at the same time each day. Once you’ve established a solid routine with your family, know that it’s okay to incorporate some spontaneity once in a while. Surprising the kids with a pizza and movie night is a great treat to reward good behavior.

– It might be tough to hear and tougher to incorporate, but you should limit screen time. Usually, screens do nothing but entertain kids. And while that’s helpful in certain quantities, it can be detrimental in the long run. Certain websites, apps, or games can give a hit of dopamine, a “feel good drug”, to keep us coming back. But, long term, this can numb our children’s emotions. An over dependence on screens can cause your child to struggle with self-disclosure, regulation, and relationships. Find points in the day to limit the screen time and be active with each other.

KNOW YOURSELF

To keep a level head, stay in tune with your own personality and limits. Are you okay with your kids blasting music and dancing around the house? Or do you need quiet time for you and your partner to get things done? Either is okay. Maintaining a home where everyone feels comfortable is important. Find your daily rhythm as a parent, take breaks, and take time to yourself. If you enjoy reading or playing solitaire on your phone, give yourself the time to indulge and enjoy it.

Assign each family member a safe zone in the house. It could be a bedroom or their favorite spot. If someone gets overwhelmed with negative emotions, grant them permission to decompress in their safe space. Don’t look at it as a punishment, but an opportunity to reset and keep the peace. Model this for your children to help them understand. You can say, “I feel stressed and will take a break now. If you need me, I will be in my room reading or writing.”

 NOTE ON PARTNERSHIP

Any of these strategies can be implemented by one person. Though if you have a partner or another adult in the house, make sure you create and implement your strategy as a team. This way, everyone’s on the same page and nothing gets undermined accidentally. Having everyone in the house agree to routines and rules does a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to maintaining peace. Lean into your partnership when times are tough, sharing the load of responsibility can do wonders to ease any burdens waiting for you along the way.

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