June 12, 2024 in Blog by Dee

How to Stress Less (Not More)!

By: Centerstone

June 12, 2024 in Blog by Dee

How To Get Good Sleep

By: Centerstone

Sleep is a vital part of every person’s daily routine as it provides a necessary recharge to your body and mind. Good sleep refreshes you, makes you feel more alert, and gives you the energy you need throughout the day. Getting too little sleep will cause you to be less focused and more forgetful.

“Sleep is a necessary mood booster,” says Julie Bailey, Clinical Manager for Centerstone. “You actually process your emotions when you sleep, so getting too little sleep can make you more irritable and stressed.” Good sleep also boosts creativity, which improves self-esteem and productivity and lowers stress.

How long should I sleep?

We all know the golden standard of 8 hours, but is this a healthy expectation? Short answer: mostly yes, for adults. Experts say that 7-9 hours is a healthy daily amount of sleep for adults to get. These numbers increase, however, for younger groups. Teens should get 8-10 hours of sleep, school-age kids 9-12 hours, pre-school-age kids 10-13 hours, and so on.

“These standards for sleep may vary from person to person, as some adults may truly need only 7 hours to function normally, and others need 9 or more,” says Julie Bailey. “But 7 hours of sleep should be the minimum goal for most adults.”

As previously stated, not getting enough sleep dampens your energy and mindfulness. On the other hand, getting too much sleep can do the same. Sleeping too much, say 10 hours a day, can actually make you more depressed. Depression also makes you more tired, making you want to sleep more, thus causing a vicious cycle.

While the length of time you spend asleep is important, so is the quality of your sleep. The sleep cycle works in several stages, and sleep is best when you go through each stage. Therefore, what you do before bed matters, as staying asleep helps ensure you go through each stage.

Optimizing sleep

Fortunately, there are several methods experts recommend for getting good sleep. Below are several recommendations to help you optimize your sleep.

• Keep it consistent. It is much easier to achieve regular sleep when you set a good rhythm for yourself. Establish a sleep routine, going to bed and waking up simultaneously every day. The longer you do this, the easier it will be, and the better you will feel!
• Turn off your screens. The light from your phone, computer, and TV screens negatively impacts your brain’s melatonin levels, disrupting sleep. This, and the stimulation from watching your favorite shows, make falling asleep harder. If you do need help falling asleep, instead try listening to relaxing music, an audiobook, or sleep stories to help soothe you to sleep.
• Manage your nighttime routine. What you do before bed matters. In the hours before bed, you should avoid caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and alcohol, as they all either make it harder to fall asleep or disrupt your sleep once it has already started. Avoid exercising too soon before bed, as it will take time for your body to cool down. Control light, decreasing it throughout the evening to more naturally get tired.
• Don’t psych yourself out. If you are worried that you will have trouble falling asleep, you likely will. This concern becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of difficulty sleeping. To take the pressure off yourself, approach sleep from a mindset of relaxing and unwinding rather than just trying to fall asleep.
• Manage your stress. If you don’t manage your stress during the day, it will follow you into the night, making it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep. If you choose to tackle your problems instead of ignoring them, you will both fall asleep and wake up the next morning more peacefully.

June 12, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Setting Goals and Keeping it Real

By: Centerstone

At a year’s end or beginning, many of us sit down and reflect on the past year, what’s to come, and how we can make positive changes for the next 12 months. Whether you want to quit smoking, read more, or learn a new skill, setting goals can be helpful stepping stones to achieving your desired life. Goals, however, can be hard to maintain for long periods. A 2022 Time Magazine study found that only 8% of people stick to their goals and resolutions for an entire year.  One challenge in fully executing our goals may be because they aren’t always realistic for us.

Why setting realistic goals is important, and how to know what’s realistic for you.

Realistic goals are more likely to keep you on track than larger, loftier goals. With a realistic goal, your chances for success and completion are higher which encourages continued, more sustainable improvement and progress.

Figuring out what is realistic for you may require some trial and error. What we think is realistic may not be, so having some flexibility is helpful. “Give yourself space to experiment and learn where you currently sit concerning your goal,” says Jenna Farmer-Brackett, Manager of Clinical Training at Centerstone.

Common pitfalls of goal setting and how to navigate them.

1. Not having a clear ‘why’ for wanting to achieve it. Sometimes, wanting to achieve something for the benefit or approval of someone else can make the goal seem like a chore, rather than something that motivates you.
2. Not taking time to celebrate victories. “Whether you track your progress in a journal, or have an accountability partner, keeping track of your progress toward your goal can help see it through,” adds Farmer-Brackett. “The key here is to celebrate all the victories and progress along the way!”
3. You are taking on too much. When you stick to fewer, more meaningful goals, it’s easier to track progress and stay with it throughout the year, or your designated timeline.
4. You’re taking an all-or-nothing approach. If you don’t hit your first benchmark right away, re-focus and reassess your goal. It’s important to remember that goals can change as we do.
5. Not taking time to prepare. It can be harder to achieve goals without a specific plan in place to help you get there.

How to break up larger goals into smaller, more attainable ones.

To hit that milestone, it can be helpful to break it into smaller, more attainable goals to see progress sooner which ultimately will help with motivation. Keep the following steps in mind when looking at the big picture:

1. Define your goal, and make it as specific as possible.
2. Identify key milestones and identify the smaller, more attainable goals. Consider any major steps that need to be taken to reach your end goal, and create sub-goals that will help you achieve them.
3. List tasks for each of the smaller, more attainable goals. Figure out what you need to do each day or week to keep you on track for the big picture.
4. Prioritize and plan. Prioritize tasks based on the impact of achieving the overall goal.

June 12, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Accept Yourself!

By: Larry Bilotta

Imagine what your life would be like if you could just be yourself, without thinking twice about what other people think of you! Here are four quick tips that will help you learn how to accept yourself. Make these four things a part of your daily routine and you’ll soon find people will judge you less and accept you more.

1. See Yourself as a Success

You’re probably familiar with that little voice inside your head that tells you you’re never good enough. Instead of letting that voice continuously judge what you didn’t do right; focus on an actual moment in your life that makes you feel wonderful.

This could be a moment at your wedding, the birth of your first child, or a great victory you achieved. Picture it as if you were living it all over again. Right before you think of this moment, say these words: “You know what this (say the bad feeling you are having right then) reminds me of? It reminds me of the time…

Then remember, or in essence “live out” your great moment. End the moment with the words: “That’s what this reminds me of.” This is exactly what Olympic athletes have done for years to increase their physical performance. They see it first in their imagination and then they reach their goals.

2. Restore Your Self-Confidence

The second key to getting over your need for acceptance is self-confidence. Confidence is the result of how you see yourself in your imagination. The way your nervous system makes you feel is the direct result of what’s going on in your imagination.

That’s why when someone describes a great meal; you begin to salivate even though there is no actual food in reality. To your nervous system, this “food” is more real than actual food itself. Since that’s the case, just think what would happen if you imagined yourself being successful and confident?

When you see confidence in your imagination, your nervous system believes you are confident which changes the vibes you give off. People will treat you better because they can feel your success and want to be around it. THIS is what actually makes you stop worrying about what others think of you. Those days of wishing someone would take an interest in you can now be ancient history.

3. Find a Career that Truly Fits “The Real You”

This step may seem like it has no connection to the previous steps, but it goes hand in hand with learning how to accept yourself. An easy way to build your self-confidence is to do what you truly were meant to do in life. What are you passionate about? What have others told you you’re good at?

To learn exactly how to do this, there is no better book than What Color Is Your Parachute? by Nelson Bolles. Head to your nearest bookstore for a copy, or do a search online and order it that way. Match your talents to your career and see your confidence begin to increase every day!

4. Get “Back to the Basics”

Most people are not sure what happiness really is. Many say that money would make them happy. But it’s not money at all. People don’t want money! They want what money can BUY. They remember that buying new things makes them feel happy, but this is only one form of happiness. True happiness comes when you can make a difference in the life of another person and realize how much it meant to them.

Lending someone a helping hand not only brightens their day, but you will be able to reap the effects of, if only for a brief moment, true happiness.

Now that you know how to gain confidence by focusing on a positive memory instead of the negative voice inside your head, you’ll be able to give off the vibes that attract people to you. Instead of wishing and hoping for approval, you now know how to accept yourself by giving people what they need; a confident person who not only looks for the good in them, but also shows them how to see it too.

April 17, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Feeling the L-O-V-E for Me!

By: Centerstone

Self-love. It’s a concept we may hear a lot about, but what does it mean? Simply stated, self-love involves our mindset and attitude about ourselves. It’s how we talk to ourselves and embrace our positive characteristics along with things that we might see as flaws. Self-love also involves being able to see the ways that we’ve grown and the ways we want to keep growing.

The difference between self-love and self-care

“Self-care is action-based ways that we take care of our health and wellness, and self-love is our mindset and our feelings towards ourselves,” says Brittany McCrady, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Centerstone. The two terms are sometimes used interchangeably, but they are separate practices. However, when we engage in those self-care actions, we are fostering love because we’re taking care of ourselves.

Is loving myself the same as being full of myself?

“So much in life is about balance,” McCrady adds, “things can tip towards being egotistical or being full of yourself when you are excessively inserting yourself, or talking about yourself in a context when it isn’t necessary and, in turn, you aren’t able to be present for someone else.”

We can be confident and believe in ourselves without putting other people down, dismissing others, or believing that we are superior to others. We can want to be the best version of ourselves without thinking we’re better than other people.

Different ways to practice self-love that come from within:

Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend or loved one. Speak to yourself with the same compassion, encouragement, and support that you would for your best friend.

Set boundaries and expectations with others. Show yourself and others that you and your time are valuable by saying “no” to things that don’t prioritize your time or energy.

Recognize challenges you’ve overcome and celebrate achievements. Take the time to intentionally say ‘Heck yes, I did that’. Make space to reflect and sit in that accomplishment and give yourself credit for a job well done. Every accomplishment no matter how big or small can be celebrated!

Practice positive affirmations. While affirmations aren’t for everyone, they need to make sense for you if you want them to be effective. Generic affirmations can be ineffective because they may not apply specifically to your goals. For example, instead of saying, ‘I’m a good leader,’ try being more specific and say ‘I create a safe and calm environment for the people that I supervise.’

Choose to surround yourself with positivity. We can work on how we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves, but that gets easier when we’re around others and in environments that send us the same types of messages.

Challenges to cultivating self-love

Things happen in life that can impact our inner dialogue. This could be trauma or significant, repeated events that instilled certain messages that can be hard to unlearn. “Some people aren’t starting with a clean slate when it comes to being proud of themselves,” adds McCrady. This could also come from our environment or how we saw our parents, siblings, and friends talking to and about us and themselves. These influences have the power to form how we talk about and see ourselves.

What are the mental health benefits of self-love?

• Self-love can develop your confidence and resilience. When hard things happen, having confidence and self-assurance can help make it easier to bounce back
• Improves your self-esteem and overall view of yourself
• Help you handle stressful situations more easily
• This can lead to improved relationships with others. When you love yourself, you’re better at loving others

April 17, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Survivors of Suicide Loss: When a Parent Loses a Child

By: Centerstone

Emotional responses to grief

When a parent loses a child to suicide, the repercussions can be traumatic and overwhelming. In periods of grieving, there are some anticipated emotional responses to the loss – shock, disbelief, sadness, or confusion, among others. And while grief looks different for everyone, some atypical behaviors can be a cause for concern. Things like suicidal ideations from the parent, or talking about wanting to be with their child again, can be an indication that professional help may be needed.

Processing feelings of guilt

“Sometimes, people blame themselves to rationalize the situation,” says Lynda Killoran, Therapist at Centerstone, “blame is the illusion that you had control over the situation, to begin with.” When death by suicide impacts a family, it is similar to a storm in that it can damage one family’s home and not another, and no one knows exactly what causes it or how the death could’ve been prevented. The sooner that it can be understood that the death was out of your control, the sooner those feelings of guilt and anger can subside.

Resources for processing grief

Individual therapy can help especially if your grief is prolonged, or if your situation is particularly traumatic. For example, if you were the first person to discover that your child had passed, working through that trauma may be something that is best addressed in a one-on-one setting with a professional. In a one-on-one session, your therapist or counselor can help you come to terms with your loss and can provide coping skills to help you manage your grief.

Grief groups can also be a helpful resource for some people. One of the benefits of grief groups is the ability to interact with other people who have faced similar situations and are in various stages of their recovery. Grief groups can be a safe space for people to express themselves and talk about things that they may feel uncomfortable discussing with those who are not grieving. “You also learn coping skills, too,” adds Killoran, “therapists can talk all they want, but sometimes interacting with other people that have been through it is the best way to process the grief.” And since grief can be isolating for some people, groups can also help you feel less alone as you navigate the grieving process.

There are also non-clinical practices that can be helpful for parents grieving the loss of their child.

• Focus on positive memories as best you can.
• Reach out to friends and family for support – it’s okay to tell people exactly what you need. But if you’re not sure what you need, that’s okay too. Even calling a loved one to say that you need a hug or want to get out of the house can be helpful.
• Keeping a memento with you – a locket with their photo, their favorite article of clothing or jewelry, or a stuffed animal or blanket can help bring feelings of comfort.
• Some people have found it helpful to engage in activities like art or writing. Using our creative side can help us process the feelings a little differently.

What if it feels like therapy isn’t helping?

What is most important is finding what works for you. It’s important that you feel comfortable with your therapist, so, if there is something you would like your therapist to change or do differently to better meet your needs, it’s okay to let them know. But, if that doesn’t help, it’s also okay to find someone new. “One hundred percent of the time, your therapist just wants you to get the help you need,” Killoran adds.

Give yourself time, there isn’t going to be a quick fix. Grief is a process that everyone goes through differently.

April 17, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Interrupting Comparative Thoughts

By: Centerstone

Many of us have heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” but what does that mean? Is comparing ourselves to others that bad? While there can be some benefits to comparison, it does have the power to negatively impact our mental health: here’s what you should know.

Comparison is a biological, human habit. We make comparisons as a way to judge ourselves or to see how we measure up to others in certain areas. Some people may even feel pressure to be part of a collective group which can lead them to seek approval to feel accepted by the group. While some comparisons are normal, too much comparison can negatively affect our mental health if it results in poor self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. “Oftentimes when we compare ourselves to others, we are looking for things that we do not have, causing us to lower our value and worth,” says Katie Grace-Linnehan, Therapist at Centerstone. Comparison can be harmful to our sense of self if we are striving to be exactly like someone else if we see them as being an “ideal” person.

One major, and sometimes misunderstood, benefit to comparison is that it can serve as a motivator to work toward a certain goal. “Comparison can also be helpful if we are using it in a positive way to identify things that we want for ourselves,” adds Grace-Linnehan, “not because they have it, but because we genuinely want it for ourselves too.” For example, if you are working on remodeling your home, you may compare your vision to someone else’s home that has the same style that you hope to achieve.

However, if the comparison results in negative feelings about yourself, it can be helpful to identify any insecurities you have that may trigger comparison. Feelings of envy or jealousy may make you feel that you’re lacking something. When you can recognize areas in your life where you may want to improve or grow, you can start building your confidence and sense of self-worth.

It can be challenging to stop comparison entirely, but those thoughts can be interrupted. A helpful strategy Grace-Linnehan suggests is to “create a list of your strengths, or create daily positive affirmations to work on embracing your own identity so that you will start to see your differences as strengths instead of weaknesses.” Focus on your strengths and what makes you unique, and be proud of them!

January 29, 2024 in Blog by Dee

How to Bust Professional Burnout

By: Centerstone

Burnout. It’s a word we may hear often, but what does it mean? If you’re consistently feeling physically and emotionally swamped and sluggish, and even the most simple tasks feel overwhelming, you may be burned out. According to Dr. Frankie Fachilla, Director of Clinical Education at Centerstone’s Institute, burnout is a three-stage process: emotional exhaustion, disconnecting from work, and feeling ineffective.

Emotional exhaustion is typically more than having a hard day at work. Rather, it’s feeling so tired and depleted you feel like you’ll always be exhausted. Disconnecting from work happens after extended emotional exhaustion when you start to reduce the amount of time you’re investing because it feels like too much. The combination of emotional exhaustion and disconnection may cause feelings of ineffectiveness which can lead an employee to want to question staying at their job.

Although many burnout symptoms are emotional, they can also manifest physically in the form of body aches or fatigue. Some other symptoms may include feelings of dread about going to work, feeling unsure of how you’ll make it through the day, and starting to not care about work. There are three main reasons why burnout can occur:

1. Demand. This includes things like workload, the pace at which you’re expected to work, and the mental load of the work. “Work that challenges us is good,” says Fachilla, “but when there’s too much of it, it can lead to burnout.”
2. Control. When we feel like we don’t have a say in the kind of work we do, and there’s too much of it, we can start to feel out of control. This can create a scenario where burnout can happen.
3. Support. “We can start to feel burned out when we don’t have the things we need to feel fulfilled,” adds Fachilla. This could be mitigated by supportive supervision or by someone helping us think through our level of demand, and how to better balance it.

Unfortunately, burnout can’t always be avoided. Nonetheless, there are several ways to manage it. Establishing a work/life boundary is key, and rethinking your reaction to feelings about work can be helpful. “If thinking about work after normal work hours makes you feel anxious, it’s all about letting the fear be present without letting it consume you and control your thoughts,” adds Fachilla.

Additionally, Fachilla recommends a daily balance that includes a few short breaks to step away from your work for a moment throughout the day. These can be done between meetings or tasks, or periodically during the day to help you reset and give you a small dose of balance in your day.

Another effective strategy is energy management. We have a limited level of energy throughout the day, and we know that our energy levels may be better at different times of the day. For example, if you have the most energy in the morning, start your day with the hardest or most time-consuming task, then taper down through the afternoon to preserve your energy.

Whether you’re experiencing burnout consistently, or every once in a while, it can be hard to navigate.

January 29, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Finding Balance as a College Student

By: Cornerstone

College is a time in life when people can experience the most freedom. This freedom comes with opportunities such as academic endeavors, new friends, and extra time to learn more about yourself.

While this freedom comes with opportunities to explore new things and expand your interests, it also comes with pressures from all around. These pressures can lead to high-stress levels and mental health problems.

More than 25 percent of college students have been diagnosed or treated by a professional for a mental health condition, anxiety being the most common. Depression is also a common mental illness among this group and often exists alongside anxiety. After talking with our experts, we will detail common stressors for college students and give advice on how to stay balanced in college.

Common stressors for college students

There is a prevalent idea that the college years are solely a time to study and prepare to become a contributing member of society. However, there are so many other aspects of college that make it unique. All of these things are positive in moderation but can cause high levels of stress when they fall out of balance.

• Pressure to achieve: You may feel pressured to get all As whether that pressure is placed on you by someone else or yourself. Unfortunately, this sometimes comes at the expense of other vital aspects of wellness, such as being socially healthy, physically healthy, and emotionally healthy.
• Social pressures: You will likely experience social pressures throughout your years in college. There is practically always something going on and the fear of missing out is a constant challenge. However, giving yourself too much time to socialize can pull you out of balance.
• Relationships: In college, you will meet new people and might develop romantic interests. Similar to social pressures, giving too much time to a romantic relationship can pull you out of balance and sometimes even ostracize you from your other friends.
• Parental involvement: Many students want to experience the freedom that college offers at its fullest. However, parents may want to remain heavily involved in the lives of their children. This can make the student feel less capable of trying new things and make them overly focused on only one aspect of college, usually academics in this case.

Self-reflections to help you become balanced

• • • What aspect of my life do I need to pour more time into? You need to check in on yourself frequently. If you are feeling stressed or unwell, assess if you are sleeping and eating enough, if you have a healthy social life and if you are staying on top of your academics, among other things. If any of these aspects are lacking, try to adjust your time to fill in those gaps. If you are especially excelling in one aspect, you may have the margin to devote slightly less time to it and shift your focus elsewhere.
    • Does this opportunity align with my goals? Whether you want to gain the most from your friendships, studies, internships, campus involvement, or anything else, you are in college for a reason. As you continue, you will have more clarity on what is important to you and what your goals are. Each time a new opportunity presents itself, consider if you have the margin for it and if it will help you achieve your goals, or if it will provide unnecessary stress.
    • Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel like I have to? It is a common phrase that comparison is the thief of joy. Throughout college, you will see others thriving in different aspects of their lives. When you see someone else receive a prestigious internship for their field of study, you may wonder if you are doing enough. Try to remind yourself that they are on their own path, and yours is just as valid. They may even be unsatisfied with some parts of their lives – no one has it all figured out. Do things that are right for you and that bring you fulfillment.
    • Do I need to have some difficult conversations? You may have to be vulnerable with your friends and family so that they understand your needs. This can play out in several different ways. If you have focused most of your energy on your social life, you may need to tell your friends that you can’t be as active as before. Conversely, if you have not devoted enough time to friends, you may want to acknowledge this. If your parents are overly involved, you may need to ask them to step back and give you more space. But if you are struggling and need your parents more than before, be honest and tell them that.

January 29, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Great Leadership Starts With Self-Awareness

By: Chinwe Esimai

Self-awareness has been cited as the most important capability for leaders to develop, according to the authors of “How To Become a Better Leader,” which was published in the MIT Sloan Management Review. Successful leaders know where their natural inclinations lie and use this knowledge to boost those inclinations or compensate for them.

Yet self-awareness seems to be in short supply among leaders. While women in executive-level management positions tend to exhibit more self-awareness than men in the same positions, the overall percentages suggest there is much opportunity for growth in this area. In a study of 17,000 individuals worldwide, the Hay Group Research found that 19 percent of women executives interviewed exhibited self-awareness as compared to 4 percent of their male counterparts. Here are some tips on how to be more self-aware

Knowing You

The one constant factor in all your endeavors is you; understanding yourself is therefore paramount.

Dr. Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, describes self-awareness as one of the core components of emotional intelligence. He defines emotional intelligence as your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.

Self-awareness is empowering because it arms you with knowledge and enables you to make better choices — to change or grow. Here are four strategies to increase your self-awareness:

Identify External Factors

Identify what factors, triggers, or indicators – both negative and positive – prompt others’ behaviors toward you. Why do you do the things you do, and how do others respond? How do you respond in turn, and why do you react the way you do? What is the impact of culture on your perspective and others’ perceptions?

Gather Trusted Feedback

Feedback leads to empathy and helps you understand the impact of your actions on others. One of the key indicators of low self-awareness is being unaware of personal blind spots—traits or aspects that may limit the way you act, react, behave, or believe, and in turn, limit your effectiveness.

Consider the Circumstances

Think about when to utilize a personality trait to your advantage and when it’s best to leave it on the sidelines. According to the MIT study, most self-aware CEOs learned to identify their “outlier tendencies” and adjusted their behavior in order to change the way they were perceived. They didn’t undergo an entire personality overhaul; rather, they learned how to be themselves but “with more skill.” The executives considered which business or social situations required their personality traits (for example, extraversion or openness) and which did not.

Assess Behaviors in Light of Your Values and Priorities

Do you observe patterns in your behaviors? Assess those patterns in light of what is important to you, what drives you, and who you want to be. Be honest in assessing competing priorities. Are there tendencies that you’d like to change? Are there factors you’d like to add to the equation? The best outcome of self-awareness is to figure out what makes you great and be more of it. Continually add to that list, refine it, and build on it. Conversely, seek to be less of what negatively impacts you, those around you, and your desired outcomes.

Stay Curious

Our inclinations, fueled by our culture, backgrounds, and experiences, influence who we are, but we are responsible for who we continually become. New circumstances can also create new triggers or lead to different reactions. Stay curious, and don’t stop seeking to understand yourself.