September 25, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How to Support Sexual Trauma Survivors

By: Centerstone

Every 68 seconds, someone is sexually assaulted. The probability that you know someone who has experienced sexual trauma is high. Individuals who are at particularly high risk of sexual assault include children and young adolescents, elderly people — especially those with dementia — as well as individuals with developmental disabilities. Whether the assault occurred recently or years ago, each person has the right to be heard and supported with treatment interventions.

Recent educational campaigns and public discussions are providing a broader understanding of the damage caused by sexual assault and sexual trauma.

Here are several ways to support survivors of sexual trauma.

Know the Misconceptions

We can stop the spread of false information about sexual assault and trauma by knowing the misconceptions that exist.

First, sexual assault is often more about power and control than only about sex.

Second, sexual assault may be committed by a person who is not a stranger to the victim. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), in 93% of juvenile sexual abuse cases reported to law enforcement, the survivor knew the perpetrator.

Further, sexual trauma can have a profound effect on the life of a child or adult. “Survivors may experience both immediate and continuing effects as they establish and navigate their interpersonal relationships,” says Brittany Haemmerlein, Director of Nursing for Centerstone. There are physical and emotional effects of such trauma, including post-traumatic stress disorder and other anxiety disorders, as well as depression.

Don’t Blame the Victim

Sexual assault thrives on secrecy and blaming the victim or survivor. Statements like, “Why didn’t they run?” or, “They should take sexual defense classes,” may come across as blaming the survivor without a person even realizing it. Phrases like this make it more difficult for an individual who has experienced sexual assault to speak out about their experience. According to RAINN, only 310 out of 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to the police. Encourage appropriate reporting of sexual assault to authorities to whatever degree they are comfortable with.

Provide Support

Support individuals who have endured sexual assault by listening to their narrative and offering to help in whatever way you can. If the incident was recent, seek out medical attention first. Regardless of whether they want to report, they can still receive medical attention and a forensic exam. This will give them access to treatment for possible STD exposure and can help preserve evidence.

Another important way to support them is to help connect them with advocates and clinical providers who specialize in treating survivors of sexual abuse. An effective treatment referral could incorporate evidence-based practices, including trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy and other psychotherapy strategies; some individuals can benefit from psychiatric treatment also targeted to co-occurring conditions like anxiety and depression.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), is free and confidential. Trained staff members are there 24/7 to listen, support, answer questions, and provide resources. At Centerstone, we have professionals trained to provide treatment to rape and sexual abuse survivors of all ages. Our advocates provide unconditional support throughout every stage of the process, including the medical exam, law enforcement report, and criminal justice.

Sexual trauma should not ultimately determine an individual’s future life path. With understanding and support, we can begin to ensure no one goes through their healing alone.

September 25, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How to Help Your Child Manage Back-to-School Anxiety

By: Centerstone

The transition from summer vacation to returning to school can be anxiety-provoking because of all the unknowns that can come with it. New classmates, new curriculum, and new teachers can all be exciting, but can also be intimidating for some kids. Fortunately, there are many ways that parents can help their kids manage anxiety about going back to school and help them feel more comfortable about the coming school year.

“Back-to-school anxiety is incredibly common for many children, and can manifest both positively and negatively,” says Brittany McCrady, Clinical Manager at Centerstone. There are some distinct indicators that parents should recognize when their child may be experiencing anxiety about going back to school. Those indicators can include resistance to an adjusted schedule or routine, enacting school-themed scenarios during play, negative responses to conversations about school, or increased irritation or frustration.

Luckily, when addressing back-to-school issues with your child, there are several things parents can do to help ease feelings of anxiety.

1. Get involved

If there is an opportunity for your child to be involved in a club or sport, or have a playdate with classmates before the start of the school year, this can help them feel more connected to the school and their peers.

2. Go to the school

Driving or walking past the building close to the start of the school year can be helpful, especially for kids who are attending a brand-new school. “They can see that it isn’t some big, scary place,” adds McCrady “This starts building familiarity, and decreasing the unknown.” Additionally, take advantage of any orientation activities the school may offer. It can be beneficial for students to meet their teachers and see their classroom ahead of time so they aren’t overwhelmed on their first day.

3. Let them take the reigns

A lot of kids who experience back-to-school anxiety may feel this way because of the lack of control they have in the situation. For instance, allowing them to choose their backpack, lunchbox, or folders can give them a feeling of control, and may help them feel more at ease.

4. Be aware of your own emotions

“Sometimes how we feel can come out and influence the way the child is thinking about the next school year,” says McCrady. Even if you’re also feeling anxious about your child going back to school, it can be helpful to do your preparation. This might include some of the same things listed above, as well as practicing calming strategies.

September 25, 2023 in Blog by Dee

12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today

By: Joshua Becker

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” —Abraham Lincoln

Happy people realize happiness is a choice. They are not held hostage by their circumstances and they do not seek happiness in people or possessions. They understand that when we stop chasing the world’s definition of happiness, we begin to see the decision to experience happiness has been right in front of us all along. Research in the field of positive psychology continues to reinforce this understanding.

But simply knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough. Fully experiencing it still requires a conscience decision to do so each day. How then might each of us begin to experience this joy?

Consider this list of 12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today. Embrace one new action item… practice all of them… or simply use them as inspiration to discover your own.

1. Count your blessings. Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative. They set their minds on specific reasons to be grateful. They express it when possible and they quickly discover there is always, always, something to be grateful for.

2. Carry a smile. A smile is a wonderful beautifier. But more than that, studies indicate that making an emotion-filled face carries influence over the feelings processed by the brain. Our facial expression can influence our brain in just the same way our brains influence our face. In other words, you can actually program yourself to experience happiness by choosing to smile. Not to mention, all the pretty smiles you’ll receive in return for flashing yours is also guaranteed to increase your happiness level.

3. Speak daily affirmations into your life. Affirmations are positive thoughts accompanied with affirmative beliefs and personal statements of truth. They are recited in the first person, present tense (“I am…”). Affirmations used daily can release stress, build confidence, and improve outlook. For maximum effectiveness, affirmations should be chosen carefully, be based in truth, and address current needs.

4. Wake up on your terms. Most of us have alarm clocks programmed because of the expectations of others: a workplace, a school, or a waking child. That’s probably not going to change. But that doesn’t mean we have to lose control over our mornings in the process. Wake up just a little bit early and establish an empowering, meaningful, morning routine. Start each day on your terms. The next 23 hours will thank you for it.

5. Hold back a complaint. The next time you want to lash out in verbal complaint towards a person, a situation, or yourself, don’t. Instead, humbly keep it to yourself. You’ll likely diffuse an unhealthy, unhappy environment. But more than that, you’ll experience joy by choosing peace in a difficult situation.

6. Practice one life-improving discipline. There is happiness and fulfillment to be found in personal growth. To know that you have intentionally devoted time and energy to personal improvement is one of the most satisfying feelings you’ll ever experience. Embrace and practice at least one act of self-discipline each day. This could be exercise, budgeting, or guided-learning, Whatever your life needs today to continue growing. Find it. Practice it. Celebrate it.

7. Use your strengths. Each of us have natural talents, strengths, and abilities. And when we use them effectively, we feel alive and comfortable in our skin. They help us find joy in our being and happiness in our design. So embrace your strengths and choose to operate within your giftedness each day. If you need to find this outlet outside your employment, by all means, find this outlet.

8. Accomplish one important task. Because happy people choose happiness, they take control over their lives. They don’t make decisions based on a need to pursue joy. Instead, they operate out of the satisfaction they have already chosen. They realize there are demands on their time, helpful pursuits to accomplish, and important contributions to make to the world around them. Choose one important task that you can accomplish each day and find joy in your contribution.

9. Eat a healthy meal/snack. We are spiritual, emotional, and mental beings. We are also physical bodies. Our lives cannot be wholly separated into its parts. As a result, one aspect always influences the others. For example, our physical bodies will always have impact over our spiritual and emotional well-being. Therefore, caring for our physical well-being can have significant benefit for our emotional standing. One simple action to choose happiness today is to eat healthy foods. Your physical body will thank you… and so will your emotional well-being.

10. Treat others well. Everyone wants to be treated kindly. But more than that, deep down, we also want to treat others with the same respect that we would like given to us. Treat everyone you meet with kindness, patience, and grace. The Golden Rule is a powerful standard. It benefits the receiver. But also brings growing satisfaction in yourself as you seek to treat others as you would like to be treated.

11. Meditate. Find time alone in solitude. As our world increases in speed and noise, the ability to withdraw becomes even more essential. Studies confirm the importance and life-giving benefits of meditation. So take time to make time. And use meditation to search inward, connect spiritually, and improve your happiness today.

12. Search for benefit in your pain. This life can be difficult. Nobody escapes without pain. At some point—in some way—we all encounter it. When you do, remind yourself again that the trials may be difficult, but they will pass. And search deep to find meaning in the pain. Choose to look for the benefits that can be found in your trial. At the very least, perseverance is being built. And most likely, an ability to comfort others in their pain is also being developed.

Go today. Choose joy and be happy. That will make two of us.

September 25, 2023 in Blog by Dee

What is Gaslighting?

By: Centerstone

Approximately three in four adults have no idea what gaslighting is and likely do not know the signs. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse intended to skew someone’s perception of reality in order to control them. It typically happens between romantic partners, friends, or parents and children.

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that can present in many forms and may differ in each relationship dynamic. “There are times when someone may not know that they are gaslighting you, and there are times when it is done intentionally,” says Deirdre Guilloton, Licensed Marital and Family Therapist at Centerstone. The person who might be gaslighting you (intentionally or unintentionally) is doing it with the intent to control you.

Someone who is being gaslit may pull away from their natural support system or friends and family, no longer engage in hobbies or joyful activities, ask permission to do things, or apologize more frequently. Being gaslit by someone you love and trust may alter your perception drastically. People who experience gaslighting often think that something is wrong with them. They may say they “feel crazy” or that things don’t make sense. Ultimately it hinders their ability to trust in themselves. They experience increased low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

Common phrases used to gaslight someone might be: You’re so dramatic, You’re imagining things, You’re not thinking clearly, You made me do that, You’re upset over nothing, You’re being paranoid, That never happened, I was joking—you take everything personally, You’re crazy, You know I never said that. While some of these might not always be used intentionally to gaslight you, they may still impact your mental and emotional health.

Here are some practices to help you or your loved ones prevent gaslighting:

• Keep a journal. Try to record your interactions with the person if it is safe to do so. This can be effective when the gaslighter tries to convince you that something different happened. Journaling is not only helpful in preventing gaslighting, but it will also increase your self-worth and reinforce your experience.
• Positive affirmations. “According to the theory by John Gottman, it takes five positive feelings or interactions to make up for one negative feeling or interaction, and in relationships, the ratio increases to twenty positive things per one negative thing,” says Guilloton. If you have low self-esteem due to being gaslit, try to write positive affirmations or record yourself saying nice things to boost your self-esteem.
• Use “I” statements. “Practice saying phrases such as, ‘I had a different experience than you,’ or, ‘I remember this differently,’” says Guilloton. If it’s safe, compare experiences with the person who might be gaslighting you, and use “I” statements as a way to identify what you remember.
• Find a support system. Seek support from a safe person, whether it is your therapist, church member, family member, or friend. Remember that not everyone is able to remove themselves from the person who is gaslighting them. Finding a perspective outside the relationship can help you better understand your experience.

Gaslighting and psychological abuse are difficult, but caring professionals are willing to listen and support you.

August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

Forgiving Family: Setting Healthy Boundaries

By: Centerstone

Have you seen the way that family is portrayed in television and films? Sometimes it can paint the picture-perfect family and more often than not it has a dysfunctional family. The one thing they all have in common, despite the portrayals of perfection or dysfunction, is the common theme that no family is, in fact, perfect. Family can be stressful for any person to deal with, but what about maintenance? How do we continue to repair and build healthy relationships with family members? One answer to this is learning to set healthy boundaries.

To determine what kind of boundaries to put in place for yourself and your family members, there needs to be a sense of self-reflection. Understand that no family is alike and everyone’s experiences are completely different with upbringing and previous trauma. There can be a lot of unlearning to be done and parenting is not always a success. Know that there is always room for growth and change within yourself and your relationships, but understand that without communication there is no moving forward.

Imagine that you and a family member are arguing, and there does not seem to be any improvement. Forgiveness might be one way to reach a resolution, but this is not as simple as saying I forgive you, there needs to be some work done on yourself and by those other family members. Below are some tips to forgiving your family and to begin having those conversations about healthy boundary setting.

• Reflection. There needs to be self-reflection. What is your worth? Determine what your needs are from this relationship. Ask yourself: Why do I have these beliefs or values? Why do I use these coping mechanisms? Recognize where it all stems from and you can see that you do have a choice in the matter.
• Communication. There needs to be an open conversation about feelings to begin setting boundaries. This is a stage where you can acknowledge feelings, really naming and normalizing them. Modeling communication from a therapeutic perspective can help engage your loved one. Try saying something like this: “I just noticed you seem uncomfortable about this—let’s talk about it.” Creating a safe space to discuss is imperative when articulating your feelings.
• It takes time. Know that it is never too late to repair a strained relationship. There is always a chance to try and reconcile with your family. “Sometimes boundaries will be met with resistance and that is normal. If the relationship is that important to you, keep adjusting those boundaries and determining what that they might look like for you,” says Ericka Davis, In-Home Therapist for Centerstone’s Early Childhood Services.
• Offer to understand. “Understanding that for family and parents to give something that they never experienced is hard. Though, likely most parents and family can remember their time as a child and can relate through their own experiences,” says Davis. Once there is understanding present there is recognition and acknowledgment that there is a way to work towards a healthier relationship.

Family relationships and healing are non-linear. Understand that people can revert back to old behaviors and attitudes, but you can keep setting those boundaries and adjusting to best suit your needs. Setting boundaries is a very brave and personal choice to make but know that you hold the power.

August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

7 Ways to Support Teen Self-Esteem

By: Centerstone

Over the years, it has become increasingly difficult for many teens to maintain good self-esteem. Even if your peers never bullied you, there can be a constant battle with the comparison that teens endure. “Teens are constantly comparing themselves to others,” says Sarah Saysoukha, Prevention Team Lead for Centerstone. “Social media has heightened this even more because it only shows a highlight reel of people’s lives. But seeing these highlights all the time can make you feel uninteresting. It’s hard to keep up.”

Beyond comparison, several other factors contribute to low self-esteem for teens. Familial abuse or neglect might majorly lower one’s self-esteem. “Having a trusted adult or family member helps teens feel supported,” says Whitney Salyer, Prevention Program Manager for Centerstone. “Therefore, lacking this crucial support system also contributes to lower self-esteem, even with no history of abuse.” Other factors that may lower self-esteem are poor body image, being discriminated against because of the identities you hold, bullying, and mental health challenges.

Having good self-esteem helps teens in every realm of their lives. Teens with high self-esteem are able to build better relationships, set helpful boundaries, exercise self-care, and make healthy decisions. Support from trusted adults, whether family or not, is one of the most significant contributors to high self-esteem in teenagers. If you are a trusted individual or a family member, here are some more practical ways to help teens build self-esteem:

1. Give them a voice. It is important for teens to feel like they are making decisions and in control of their own lives. Work to present opportunities for them to make decisions. These can be as simple as “You have time before and after soccer practice to do homework. Which would you rather do?”
2. Value their opinion. When there is a decision to be made, ask for your teen’s input. Communicate that you are listening to them and that what they say does have a bearing on how you make the decision. Try to ask them, “What would you do in this situation?”
3. Practice empowerment. Affirmation goes a long way. Let the teens in your life know that you appreciate who they are and the things they’ve accomplished. Go beyond saying, “I’m proud of you,” but make the compliments more personal. Try empowering their characteristics by saying things like you have a caring heart or you’re a good friend.
4. Encourage them. People tend to grow more from their failures than they do from their successes. Try to give teens the space to make mistakes—they are still growing and learning. Remind them that failure is okay and that it might even help them succeed in the future.
5. Learn from your teen. Take an interest in their interests. Ask them to talk to you about their favorite hobby, what their friends are like, or anything else that is important to them. Let your teen influence you, and give them the space to share their passions with you.
6. Support their needs. Be supportive of their needs at this stage in life. Be involved with their academics and help where they are struggling. Try to help them as they set necessary boundaries and make plans to accomplish their goals. Take an interest in this process, and let them know that you are there to help them.
7. Connect them with further support. There may be times when teens need more support than you can offer. Connect them with professional counselors to help with any mental health challenges they might face. Help them connect with specific cultures, communities, and more to help strengthen their identities.

August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

Strengthening Mental Health in Summer

By: Centerstone

Summer! Many of us view it as an exciting time to go out and do activities, take vacations, and spend more time outdoors. It can be a time full of excitement and happiness depending on how we spend our time. In fact, summer is a great time to invest in lifestyle habits and support your mental health. There is science that points to summer being a time of better mental health.

How the summer affects mental health

One of the main ways the summer can help with mental health is through the sunshine. Because of the warmer weather, many of us spend more time outdoors in the summer, plus the sun is out for longer than in other seasons.

The increased sun exposure boosts our vitamin D levels, and can even improve mood, leading to better mental health. Spending time in the sun also helps your body produce more melatonin (sleep hormone) at night, allowing you to sleep better and overall feel better.

While there are some stressors unique to summer, such as feeling overwhelmed by the amount of activities and getting less sleep, it is a good time for most people’s mental health. Therefore, it is a good time to set habits and prepare for the coming months that are colder and less energizing.

Forming habits

• Set boundaries. You don’t have to say yes to every opportunity you are presented with. Seek out the activities and plans that seem the best to you and take breaks when needed.
• Set a sleep schedule. Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule can help ensure you get adequate sleep. One possible way to do this is by sleeping with the sun – don’t stay up for too long once it is dark outside.
• Engage in physical activity. Improving your physical health can have great benefits on your mental health. With the warmer weather comes more opportunities for outdoor exercise and play. Set a standard for how active you are now so that you will more likely find ways to stay active moving forward.
• Have fun! Making an effort to improve your mental health intentionally is beneficial, but don’t let it get in the way of your fun. Setting rhythms, including therapy if needed, is great, but you must enjoy life too. Find a balance between responsibility and fun!

August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How to Foster and Create New Friendships as an Adult

By: Centerstone

Good friends can give us a sense of purpose and support that can be hard to find on our own. Research shows that having solid friendships can benefit us by decreasing the intensity of some mental health symptoms, increasing our immunity, and helping us live longer. As we get older, personal and professional commitments can make it harder to find the time to manage current friendships and develop new ones. Lynda Killoran, Mental Health Outpatient Therapist at Centerstone, says “Some older persons tend to become more self-conscious, which can cause an increased fear of rejection. This can create a barrier to reach out, which can cause some people to not want to put themselves out there at all.”

When adults no longer have the social interactions that we naturally received from a school environment and school-based activities, it can be hard to create new social circles. Luckily, there are many options to help cultivate new friendships:

1. Take a class. Whether you have a hobby or skill you’ve loved your whole life, or there’s a new one you’ve always wanted to learn, taking classes to develop this skill is a great way to meet new people. You’ll be around like-minded people who share a common interest which can make initiating a conversation easy.
2. Volunteering is an easy way to get out in your community and make a difference, as well as develop relationships with other people who support the same cause(s) you do.
3. Join a recreational sports team. If being active is more your style, check out your city’s rec leagues! There’s nothing quite like a little bit of healthy competition to help bond a group.
4. Say yes. Sometimes, we can make great plans but feel differently when the time comes to engage. “Accept invitations to outings,” Killoran adds, “and say yes more because you never know who you could meet.”

For those who are more introverted and may feel intimidated by the idea of putting themselves out there, there are still some ways to create new friendships while still staying in your comfort zone.

1. Friends of friends. You may not have to look far for a new and meaningful friendship. Considering fostering relationships with acquaintances in your life and see where it leads.
2. Virtual groups. If you prefer a more low-key introduction, consider joining online classes or chat forums on topics that interest you. You can still be surrounded by like-minded people while also staying in the comfort of your own home.
3. Counseling. If you feel that your introversion limits your social interaction to the point of being unhealthy, you may want to speak to a licensed therapist. Group counseling may also be beneficial as it can allow for social connection without being overbearing.

Creating new friendships takes time and effort, so don’t feel discouraged if a connection isn’t formed overnight. Friendships are both important and necessary, and there is a friend out there for everyone.

July 13, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How to Stress Less (Not More)!

By: Centerstone

July 13, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How To Get Good Sleep

By: Centerstone

Sleep is a vital part of every person’s daily routine as it provides a necessary recharge to your body and mind. Good sleep refreshes you, makes you feel more alert, and gives you the energy you need throughout the day. Getting too little sleep will cause you to be less focused and more forgetful.

“Sleep is a necessary mood booster,” says Julie Bailey, Clinical Manager for Centerstone. “You actually process your emotions when you sleep, so getting too little sleep can make you more irritable and stressed.” Good sleep also boosts creativity, which improves self-esteem and productivity and lowers stress.

How long should I sleep?

We all know the golden standard of 8 hours, but is this a healthy expectation? Short answer: mostly yes, for adults. Experts say that 7-9 hours is a healthy daily amount of sleep for adults to get. These numbers increase, however, for younger groups. Teens should get 8-10 hours of sleep, school-age kids 9-12 hours, pre-school-age kids 10-13 hours, and so on.

“These standards for sleep may vary from person to person, as some adults may truly need only 7 hours to function normally, and others need 9 or more,” says Julie Bailey. “But 7 hours of sleep should be the minimum goal for most adults.”

As previously stated, not getting enough sleep dampens your energy and mindfulness. On the other hand, getting too much sleep can do the same. Sleeping too much, say 10 hours a day, can actually make you more depressed. Depression also makes you more tired, making you want to sleep more, thus causing a vicious cycle.

While the length of time you spend asleep is important, so is the quality of your sleep. The sleep cycle works in several stages, and sleep is best when you go through each stage. Therefore, what you do before bed matters, as staying asleep helps ensure you go through each stage.

Optimizing sleep

Fortunately, there are several methods experts recommend for getting good sleep. Below are several recommendations to help you optimize your sleep.

• Keep it consistent. It is much easier to achieve regular sleep when you set a good rhythm for yourself. Establish a sleep routine, going to bed and waking up simultaneously every day. The longer you do this, the easier it will be, and the better you will feel!
• Turn off your screens. The light from your phone, computer, and TV screens negatively impacts your brain’s melatonin levels, disrupting sleep. This, and the stimulation from watching your favorite shows, make falling asleep harder. If you do need help falling asleep, instead try listening to relaxing music, an audiobook, or sleep stories to help soothe you to sleep.
• Manage your nighttime routine. What you do before bed matters. In the hours before bed, you should avoid caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and alcohol, as they all either make it harder to fall asleep or disrupt your sleep once it has already started. Avoid exercising too soon before bed, as it will take time for your body to cool down. Control light, decreasing it throughout the evening to more naturally get tired.
• Don’t psych yourself out. If you are worried that you will have trouble falling asleep, you likely will. This concern becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of difficulty sleeping. To take the pressure off yourself, approach sleep from a mindset of relaxing and unwinding rather than just trying to fall asleep.
• Manage your stress. If you don’t manage your stress during the day, it will follow you into the night, making it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep. If you choose to tackle your problems instead of ignoring them, you will both fall asleep and wake up the next morning more peacefully.