January 15, 2025 in Blog by Dee

Setting Goals and Keeping it Real

By: Centerstone

At a year’s end or beginning, many of us sit down and reflect on the past year, what’s to come, and how we can make positive changes for the next 12 months. Whether you want to quit smoking, read more, or learn a new skill, setting goals can be helpful stepping stones to achieving your desired life. Goals, however, can be hard to maintain for long periods. In fact, a 2022 Time Magazine study found that only 8% of people stick to their goals and resolutions for an entire year.  One challenge in fully executing our goals may be because they aren’t always realistic for us.

Why setting realistic goals is important, and how to know what’s realistic for you.

Realistic goals are more likely to keep you on track than larger, loftier goals. With a realistic goal, your chances for success and completion are higher which encourages continued, more sustainable improvement and progress.

Figuring out what is realistic for you may require some trial and error. What we think is realistic may not be, so having some flexibility is helpful. “Give yourself space to experiment and learn where you currently sit with your goal,” says Jenna Farmer-Brackett, Manager of Clinical Training at Centerstone.

Common pitfalls of goal setting and how to navigate them.

1. Not having a clear ‘why’ for wanting to achieve it. Sometimes, wanting to achieve something for the benefit or approval of someone else can make the goal seem like a chore, rather than something that motivates you.
2. Not taking time to celebrate victories. “Whether you track your progress in a journal, or have an accountability partner, keeping track of your progress toward your goal can help see it through,” adds Farmer-Brackett. “The key here is to celebrate all the victories and progress along the way!”
3. You are taking on too much. When you stick to fewer, more meaningful goals, it’s easier to track progress and stay with it throughout the year, or your designated timeline.
4. You’re taking an all-or-nothing approach. If you don’t hit your first benchmark right away, re-focus and re-asses your goal. It’s important to remember that goals can change as we do.
5. Not taking time to prepare. It can be harder to achieve goals without a specific plan in place to help you get there.

How to break up larger goals into smaller, more attainable ones.

To hit that milestone, it can be helpful to break it into smaller, more attainable goals in order to see progress sooner which ultimately will help with motivation. Keep the following steps in mind when looking at the big picture:

1. Define your goal, and make it as specific as possible.
2. Identify key milestones and identify the smaller, more attainable goals. Consider any major steps that need to be taken to reach your end goal, and create sub-goals that will help you achieve them.
3. List tasks for each of the smaller, more attainable goals. Figure out what you need to do each day or week to keep you on track for the big picture.
4. Prioritize and plan. Prioritize tasks based on the impact of achieving the overall goal.

January 15, 2025 in Blog by Dee

What to Do When Jealousy Threatens a Friendship

By: Centerstone

Building and maintaining friendships can sometimes mean navigating feelings of jealousy and/or envy. While the two words are often used interchangeably, they are different. Envy is the painful feeling of wanting what someone else has, like personal attributes or possessions. Jealousy means to feel threatened, protective, or fearful of losing your position or situation (friend status, job, promotion, etc.) to someone else.

Even among the closest of friends, these emotions can sneak in, creating tension and putting distance between those we care about. To maintain healthy friendships, it’s important to understand where jealousy comes from and learn effective ways to deal with it.

Here are some practical ways to identify if jealousy or envy are invading your friendships and some tips on how to handle it with care.

Why do friends experience jealousy?

Jealousy in friendships can arise when we worry that we’re not quite measuring up, or worrying about being left out or replaced. Sometimes, it’s about the fear of missing out, especially if we see friends spending time together without us. Envy can arise when we begin to compare ourselves to a friend’s achievements or possessions, like a great job or a supportive family. It’s natural to think, “I wish I had what they have.”

Emily Brault, a Team Leader at Centerstone, reminds us, “We often think the grass is greener on the other side without realizing the effort it takes to nurture what we have. It’s crucial to focus on how we can contribute to our relationships and, importantly, how we can take care of ourselves to be the best friend we can be.” Making a deliberate choice to stop comparing ourselves to others and practicing gratitude for what we have can often prevent us from spiraling into jealousy and envy.

What if you’re the jealous friend?

Jealousy is often rooted in not feeling good enough about ourselves. Working to strengthen our sense of self-worth and confidence, we can begin to experience these feelings from a new perspective, leading to a stronger sense of self. According to Brault, “The first step is recognizing and acknowledging your feelings. Do this by asking yourself, ‘Where are these feelings coming from?’ and ‘What situations make me feel jealous?’”

What if your friend is jealous of you?

If you notice signs that a friend may be feeling jealous, it is completely appropriate and usually helpful to talk about it directly, but be gentle as you approach it.

• Start by sharing what you value in your friendship,
• Then mention the behaviors you’ve observed – be specific.
• Depending on how the person responds to the conversation, you might need to set some boundaries to maintain a healthy friendship.
• Moving forward, open and honest communication is key.

How to preserve a friendship when jealousy is present

• Being open and honest about your feelings is crucial for keeping a friendship strong.
• If it’s tough to bring up, try writing down your thoughts, practicing what you want to say, or seeking advice from someone you trust.
• Sharing your feelings can improve understanding and strengthen the bond between you and your friend by building trust, respect, and empathy.
• Dealing with jealousy means understanding each other, communicating openly, and showing empathy.

January 15, 2025 in Blog by Dee

5 Ways to Cope with a Constant Stream of Bad News

By: Centerstone

Sometimes, it can feel like much of what we see or read on local or world news is negative. With humanitarian crises, civil rights issues, and natural disasters happening almost daily, the constant stream of bad news can significantly impact our mental health. “It increases our stress and anxiety, and decreases our ability to care for ourselves and regulate our emotions,” says Kelly Bombardiere, Vice President, of Enterprise & 988 Crisis Services. Though the 24-hour news cycle is never-ending, there are a few ways to help cope with what we see and hear.

1. Limit your news consumption. Though we can get news from almost anywhere, there are ways to avoid it when you don’t want to see it. “Unfollow news outlets, or mute their notifications. This way, you’re able to control when you receive news,” adds Bombardiere. It may also be helpful to allocate a set amount of time each day or week to catch up on the news. If you do this you can still stay up-to-date without feeling overwhelmed.
2. Get accurate news. When consuming news online, it can be hard to tell what’s true. Before sharing an article or post with friends and family, make sure to validate the source of the piece to avoid spreading misinformation.
3. Follow positive news outlets. Online outlets like @goodnews_movement on Instagram or sites like Good News Network share positive news and uplifting stories from all over the world that may help bring light to your day.
4. Focus on you. Consistent exposure to negative news can be overwhelming and can cause us to feel swept up in current events that don’t directly involve us. If the news brings feelings of negativity or stress, do something that allows you to step away from it and brings you joy. “There isn’t a set go-to list for this, it is truly as simple as doing something that makes you happy,” adds Bombardiere. Whether you take a bubble bath, listen to your favorite song, or practice yoga, distracting yourself with something positive can help alleviate feelings of being overwhelmed.
5. Practice gratitude. Keeping bad news in perspective when we feel like there isn’t anything we can to do help can be challenging and can often bring feelings of helplessness. However, it’s important to try to focus on the good that surrounds us and try to use that to help others. Consider getting involved with an organization that supports a cause you’re passionate about. Whether you donate goods, time, or money, you are making a difference.

January 15, 2025 in Blog by Dee

Feeling the L-O-V-E for Me!

By: Centerstone

Self-love. It’s a concept we may hear a lot about, but what does it mean? Simply stated, self-love involves our mindset and attitude about ourselves. It’s how we talk to ourselves and embrace our positive characteristics along with things that we might see as flaws. Self-love also involves being able to see the ways that we’ve grown and the ways we want to keep growing.

The difference between self-love and self-care

“Self-care is action-based ways that we take care of our health and wellness, and self-love is our mindset and our feelings towards ourselves,” says Brittany McCrady, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Centerstone. The two terms are sometimes used interchangeably, but they are separate practices. However, when we engage in those self-care actions, we are fostering love because we’re taking care of ourselves.

Is loving myself the same as being full of myself?

“So much in life is about balance,” McCrady adds, “things can tip towards being egotistical or being full of yourself when you are excessively inserting yourself, or talking about yourself in a context when it isn’t necessary and, in turn, you aren’t able to be present for someone else.”

We can be confident and believe in ourselves without putting other people down, dismissing others, or believing that we are superior to others. We can want to be the best version of ourselves without thinking we’re better than other people.

Different ways to practice self-love that come from within:

Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend or loved one. Speak to yourself with the same compassion, encouragement, and support that you would for your best friend.

Set boundaries and expectations with others. Show yourself and others that you and your time are valuable by saying “no” to things that don’t prioritize your time or energy.

Recognize challenges you’ve overcome and celebrate achievements. Take the time to intentionally say ‘heck yes, I did that’. Make space to reflect and sit in that accomplishment and give yourself credit for a job well done. Every accomplishment no matter how big or small can be celebrated!

Practice positive affirmations. While affirmations aren’t for everyone, they need to make sense for you if you want them to be effective. Generic affirmations can be ineffective because they may not apply specifically to your goals. For example, instead of saying, ‘I’m a good leader,’ try being more specific and say ‘I create a safe and calm environment for the people that I supervise.’

Choose to surround yourself with positivity. We can work on how we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves, but that gets easier when we’re around others and in environments that send us the same types of messages.

Challenges to cultivating self-love

Things happen in life that can impact our inner dialogue. This could be trauma or significant, repeated events that instilled certain messages that can be hard to unlearn. “Some people aren’t starting with a clean slate when it comes to being proud of themselves,” adds McCrady. This could also come from our environment or how we saw our parents, siblings, and friends talking to and about us and themselves. These influences have the power to form how we talk about and see ourselves.

What are the mental health benefits of self-love?

• Self-love can develop your confidence and resilience. When hard things happen, having confidence and self-assurance can help make it easier to bounce back
• Improves your self-esteem and overall view of yourself
• Help you handle stressful situations more easily
• This can lead to improved relationships with others. When you love yourself, you’re better at loving others

January 10, 2025 in Blog by Dee

Creating a Peaceful Environment in a Chaotic World

By: Centerstone

In a world with civil unrest, political disputes, and an endless stream of media, it can be easy for some of us to feel overwhelmed. Maintaining our peace in such a chaotic world can be a challenge, but it is possible and can be done in different ways to best benefit us and our mental health. According to Jayne Tingley, Director of Community Care at Centerstone, inner peace can best be described as balance in all areas of your life, even with the presence of stressors. A large part of achieving and maintaining inner peace is being able to recognize when and where to set boundaries and to accept the things that we cannot control.

Maintaining peace within our lives can be achieved within ourselves, in our homes, or with another person. One sign that your life may be lacking balance and peace is if your stressors are your primary focus. Luckily, there are several ways that we can check in with ourselves, and reclaim our feelings of peace.

1. Protect your space. Find a space in your home where you feel safe, and allow yourself to feel your feelings and be calm in this space. Whether you find comfort in a special blanket, scented candle, or song, try to surround yourself with these things while in your safe space.
2. Confide in your people. If your safe space is a person, you may find comfort in knowing that that person is there to listen without judgment. Connect with your people when you feel you need some extra support with managing life’s stressors.
3. Practice self-care! Self-care looks different for all of us, but it’s important to remember that it does not have to be extreme. “Make sure that every single day you have some time carved out solely focused on meeting your needs,” says Tingley. “Our needs can vary from one day to another, but making sure you have that time is important.” Catching up on your favorite show, treating yourself to your favorite food, or even doing a puzzle are all examples of self-care. Our needs can be met in different ways that work best for us.
4. Take time for yourself. Whether you take a hike, journal, meditate, or listen to your favorite podcast, finding pockets of peace throughout the day is key.

Another important component of protecting our inner peace is setting boundaries. Learn to say no firmly, but kindly. Know that it’s okay to step away from situations and people that interrupt your peace and that you don’t need justification to do so. If watching or reading the news is a stressor for you, consider changing the channel or reading a book instead. If you had a tough day at work, try to leave those feelings at the door by taking a few deep breaths, and entering your home with good intentions. If you are feeling overwhelmed with different aspects of life, consider taking a walk or calling a friend. Do whatever works best for you at that moment, but try to avoid excessive consumption of substances and screen time.

Practicing self-care and protecting our peace in a chaotic world is crucial. Giving in to certain stressors can be hard to avoid, and can cause feelings of uneasiness and anxiety; however, protecting your peace is possible.