April 17, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Feeling the L-O-V-E for Me!

By: Centerstone

Self-love. It’s a concept we may hear a lot about, but what does it mean? Simply stated, self-love involves our mindset and attitude about ourselves. It’s how we talk to ourselves and embrace our positive characteristics along with things that we might see as flaws. Self-love also involves being able to see the ways that we’ve grown and the ways we want to keep growing.

The difference between self-love and self-care

“Self-care is action-based ways that we take care of our health and wellness, and self-love is our mindset and our feelings towards ourselves,” says Brittany McCrady, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Centerstone. The two terms are sometimes used interchangeably, but they are separate practices. However, when we engage in those self-care actions, we are fostering love because we’re taking care of ourselves.

Is loving myself the same as being full of myself?

“So much in life is about balance,” McCrady adds, “things can tip towards being egotistical or being full of yourself when you are excessively inserting yourself, or talking about yourself in a context when it isn’t necessary and, in turn, you aren’t able to be present for someone else.”

We can be confident and believe in ourselves without putting other people down, dismissing others, or believing that we are superior to others. We can want to be the best version of ourselves without thinking we’re better than other people.

Different ways to practice self-love that come from within:

Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend or loved one. Speak to yourself with the same compassion, encouragement, and support that you would for your best friend.

Set boundaries and expectations with others. Show yourself and others that you and your time are valuable by saying “no” to things that don’t prioritize your time or energy.

Recognize challenges you’ve overcome and celebrate achievements. Take the time to intentionally say ‘Heck yes, I did that’. Make space to reflect and sit in that accomplishment and give yourself credit for a job well done. Every accomplishment no matter how big or small can be celebrated!

Practice positive affirmations. While affirmations aren’t for everyone, they need to make sense for you if you want them to be effective. Generic affirmations can be ineffective because they may not apply specifically to your goals. For example, instead of saying, ‘I’m a good leader,’ try being more specific and say ‘I create a safe and calm environment for the people that I supervise.’

Choose to surround yourself with positivity. We can work on how we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves, but that gets easier when we’re around others and in environments that send us the same types of messages.

Challenges to cultivating self-love

Things happen in life that can impact our inner dialogue. This could be trauma or significant, repeated events that instilled certain messages that can be hard to unlearn. “Some people aren’t starting with a clean slate when it comes to being proud of themselves,” adds McCrady. This could also come from our environment or how we saw our parents, siblings, and friends talking to and about us and themselves. These influences have the power to form how we talk about and see ourselves.

What are the mental health benefits of self-love?

• Self-love can develop your confidence and resilience. When hard things happen, having confidence and self-assurance can help make it easier to bounce back
• Improves your self-esteem and overall view of yourself
• Help you handle stressful situations more easily
• This can lead to improved relationships with others. When you love yourself, you’re better at loving others

April 17, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Survivors of Suicide Loss: When a Parent Loses a Child

By: Centerstone

Emotional responses to grief

When a parent loses a child to suicide, the repercussions can be traumatic and overwhelming. In periods of grieving, there are some anticipated emotional responses to the loss – shock, disbelief, sadness, or confusion, among others. And while grief looks different for everyone, some atypical behaviors can be a cause for concern. Things like suicidal ideations from the parent, or talking about wanting to be with their child again, can be an indication that professional help may be needed.

Processing feelings of guilt

“Sometimes, people blame themselves to rationalize the situation,” says Lynda Killoran, Therapist at Centerstone, “blame is the illusion that you had control over the situation, to begin with.” When death by suicide impacts a family, it is similar to a storm in that it can damage one family’s home and not another, and no one knows exactly what causes it or how the death could’ve been prevented. The sooner that it can be understood that the death was out of your control, the sooner those feelings of guilt and anger can subside.

Resources for processing grief

Individual therapy can help especially if your grief is prolonged, or if your situation is particularly traumatic. For example, if you were the first person to discover that your child had passed, working through that trauma may be something that is best addressed in a one-on-one setting with a professional. In a one-on-one session, your therapist or counselor can help you come to terms with your loss and can provide coping skills to help you manage your grief.

Grief groups can also be a helpful resource for some people. One of the benefits of grief groups is the ability to interact with other people who have faced similar situations and are in various stages of their recovery. Grief groups can be a safe space for people to express themselves and talk about things that they may feel uncomfortable discussing with those who are not grieving. “You also learn coping skills, too,” adds Killoran, “therapists can talk all they want, but sometimes interacting with other people that have been through it is the best way to process the grief.” And since grief can be isolating for some people, groups can also help you feel less alone as you navigate the grieving process.

There are also non-clinical practices that can be helpful for parents grieving the loss of their child.

• Focus on positive memories as best you can.
• Reach out to friends and family for support – it’s okay to tell people exactly what you need. But if you’re not sure what you need, that’s okay too. Even calling a loved one to say that you need a hug or want to get out of the house can be helpful.
• Keeping a memento with you – a locket with their photo, their favorite article of clothing or jewelry, or a stuffed animal or blanket can help bring feelings of comfort.
• Some people have found it helpful to engage in activities like art or writing. Using our creative side can help us process the feelings a little differently.

What if it feels like therapy isn’t helping?

What is most important is finding what works for you. It’s important that you feel comfortable with your therapist, so, if there is something you would like your therapist to change or do differently to better meet your needs, it’s okay to let them know. But, if that doesn’t help, it’s also okay to find someone new. “One hundred percent of the time, your therapist just wants you to get the help you need,” Killoran adds.

Give yourself time, there isn’t going to be a quick fix. Grief is a process that everyone goes through differently.

April 17, 2024 in Blog by Dee

Interrupting Comparative Thoughts

By: Centerstone

Many of us have heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” but what does that mean? Is comparing ourselves to others that bad? While there can be some benefits to comparison, it does have the power to negatively impact our mental health: here’s what you should know.

Comparison is a biological, human habit. We make comparisons as a way to judge ourselves or to see how we measure up to others in certain areas. Some people may even feel pressure to be part of a collective group which can lead them to seek approval to feel accepted by the group. While some comparisons are normal, too much comparison can negatively affect our mental health if it results in poor self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. “Oftentimes when we compare ourselves to others, we are looking for things that we do not have, causing us to lower our value and worth,” says Katie Grace-Linnehan, Therapist at Centerstone. Comparison can be harmful to our sense of self if we are striving to be exactly like someone else if we see them as being an “ideal” person.

One major, and sometimes misunderstood, benefit to comparison is that it can serve as a motivator to work toward a certain goal. “Comparison can also be helpful if we are using it in a positive way to identify things that we want for ourselves,” adds Grace-Linnehan, “not because they have it, but because we genuinely want it for ourselves too.” For example, if you are working on remodeling your home, you may compare your vision to someone else’s home that has the same style that you hope to achieve.

However, if the comparison results in negative feelings about yourself, it can be helpful to identify any insecurities you have that may trigger comparison. Feelings of envy or jealousy may make you feel that you’re lacking something. When you can recognize areas in your life where you may want to improve or grow, you can start building your confidence and sense of self-worth.

It can be challenging to stop comparison entirely, but those thoughts can be interrupted. A helpful strategy Grace-Linnehan suggests is to “create a list of your strengths, or create daily positive affirmations to work on embracing your own identity so that you will start to see your differences as strengths instead of weaknesses.” Focus on your strengths and what makes you unique, and be proud of them!