October 9, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How to Support Sexual Trauma Survivors

By: Centerstone

Every 68 seconds, someone is sexually assaulted. The probability that you know someone who has experienced sexual trauma is high. Individuals who are at particularly high risk of sexual assault include children and young adolescents, elderly people — especially those with dementia — as well as individuals with developmental disabilities. Whether the assault occurred recently or years ago, each person has the right to be heard and supported with treatment interventions.

Recent educational campaigns and public discussions are providing a broader understanding of the damage caused by sexual assault and sexual trauma.

Here are several ways to support survivors of sexual trauma.

Know the Misconceptions

We can stop the spread of false information about sexual assault and trauma by knowing the misconceptions that exist.

First, sexual assault is often more about power and control than only about sex.

Second, sexual assault may be committed by a person who is not a stranger to the victim. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), in 93% of juvenile sexual abuse cases reported to law enforcement, the survivor knew the perpetrator.

Further, sexual trauma can have a profound effect on the life of a child or adult. “Survivors may experience both immediate and continuing effects as they establish and navigate their interpersonal relationships,” says Brittany Haemmerlein, Director of Nursing for Centerstone. There are physical and emotional effects of such trauma, including post-traumatic stress disorder and other anxiety disorders, as well as depression.

Don’t Blame the Victim

Sexual assault thrives on secrecy and blaming the victim or survivor. Statements like, “Why didn’t they run?” or, “They should take sexual defense classes,” may come across as blaming the survivor without a person even realizing it. Phrases like this make it more difficult for an individual who has experienced sexual assault to speak out about their experience. According to RAINN, only 310 out of 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to the police. Encourage appropriate reporting of sexual assault to authorities to whatever degree they are comfortable with.

Provide Support

Support individuals who have endured sexual assault by listening to their narrative and offering to help in whatever way you can. If the incident was recent, seek out medical attention first. Regardless of whether they want to report, they can still receive medical attention and a forensic exam. This will give them access to treatment for possible STD exposure and can help preserve evidence.

Another important way to support them is to help connect them with advocates and clinical providers who specialize in treating survivors of sexual abuse. An effective treatment referral could incorporate evidence-based practices, including trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy and other psychotherapy strategies; some individuals can benefit from psychiatric treatment also targeted to co-occurring conditions like anxiety and depression.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), is free and confidential. Trained staff members are there 24/7 to listen, support, answer questions, and provide resources. At Centerstone, we have professionals trained to provide treatment to rape and sexual abuse survivors of all ages. Our advocates provide unconditional support throughout every stage of the process, including the medical exam, law enforcement report, and criminal justice.

Sexual trauma should not ultimately determine an individual’s future life path. With understanding and support, we can begin to ensure no one goes through their healing alone.

October 9, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How to Help Your Child Manage Back-to-School Anxiety

By: Centerstone

The transition from summer vacation to returning to school can be anxiety-provoking because of all the unknowns that can come with it. New classmates, new curriculum, and new teachers can all be exciting, but can also be intimidating for some kids. Fortunately, there are many ways that parents can help their kids manage anxiety about going back to school and help them feel more comfortable about the coming school year.

“Back-to-school anxiety is incredibly common for many children, and can manifest both positively and negatively,” says Brittany McCrady, Clinical Manager at Centerstone. There are some distinct indicators that parents should recognize when their child may be experiencing anxiety about going back to school. Those indicators can include resistance to an adjusted schedule or routine, enacting school-themed scenarios during play, negative responses to conversations about school, or increased irritation or frustration.

Luckily, when addressing back-to-school issues with your child, there are several things parents can do to help ease feelings of anxiety.

1. Get involved

If there is an opportunity for your child to be involved in a club or sport, or have a playdate with classmates before the start of the school year, this can help them feel more connected to the school and their peers.

2. Go to the school

Driving or walking past the building close to the start of the school year can be helpful, especially for kids who are attending a brand-new school. “They can see that it isn’t some big, scary place,” adds McCrady “This starts building familiarity, and decreasing the unknown.” Additionally, take advantage of any orientation activities the school may offer. It can be beneficial for students to meet their teachers and see their classroom ahead of time so they aren’t overwhelmed on their first day.

3. Let them take the reigns

A lot of kids who experience back-to-school anxiety may feel this way because of the lack of control they have in the situation. For instance, allowing them to choose their backpack, lunchbox, or folders can give them a feeling of control, and may help them feel more at ease.

4. Be aware of your own emotions

“Sometimes how we feel can come out and influence the way the child is thinking about the next school year,” says McCrady. Even if you’re also feeling anxious about your child going back to school, it can be helpful to do your preparation. This might include some of the same things listed above, as well as practicing calming strategies.

October 9, 2023 in Blog by Dee

12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today

By: Joshua Becker

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” —Abraham Lincoln

Happy people realize happiness is a choice. They are not held hostage by their circumstances and they do not seek happiness in people or possessions. They understand that when we stop chasing the world’s definition of happiness, we begin to see the decision to experience happiness has been right in front of us all along. Research in the field of positive psychology continues to reinforce this understanding.

But simply knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough. Fully experiencing it still requires a conscience decision to do so each day. How then might each of us begin to experience this joy?

Consider this list of 12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today. Embrace one new action item… practice all of them… or simply use them as inspiration to discover your own.

1. Count your blessings. Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative. They set their minds on specific reasons to be grateful. They express it when possible and they quickly discover there is always, always, something to be grateful for.

2. Carry a smile. A smile is a wonderful beautifier. But more than that, studies indicate that making an emotion-filled face carries influence over the feelings processed by the brain. Our facial expression can influence our brain in just the same way our brains influence our face. In other words, you can actually program yourself to experience happiness by choosing to smile. Not to mention, all the pretty smiles you’ll receive in return for flashing yours is also guaranteed to increase your happiness level.

3. Speak daily affirmations into your life. Affirmations are positive thoughts accompanied with affirmative beliefs and personal statements of truth. They are recited in the first person, present tense (“I am…”). Affirmations used daily can release stress, build confidence, and improve outlook. For maximum effectiveness, affirmations should be chosen carefully, be based in truth, and address current needs.

4. Wake up on your terms. Most of us have alarm clocks programmed because of the expectations of others: a workplace, a school, or a waking child. That’s probably not going to change. But that doesn’t mean we have to lose control over our mornings in the process. Wake up just a little bit early and establish an empowering, meaningful, morning routine. Start each day on your terms. The next 23 hours will thank you for it.

5. Hold back a complaint. The next time you want to lash out in verbal complaint towards a person, a situation, or yourself, don’t. Instead, humbly keep it to yourself. You’ll likely diffuse an unhealthy, unhappy environment. But more than that, you’ll experience joy by choosing peace in a difficult situation.

6. Practice one life-improving discipline. There is happiness and fulfillment to be found in personal growth. To know that you have intentionally devoted time and energy to personal improvement is one of the most satisfying feelings you’ll ever experience. Embrace and practice at least one act of self-discipline each day. This could be exercise, budgeting, or guided-learning, Whatever your life needs today to continue growing. Find it. Practice it. Celebrate it.

7. Use your strengths. Each of us have natural talents, strengths, and abilities. And when we use them effectively, we feel alive and comfortable in our skin. They help us find joy in our being and happiness in our design. So embrace your strengths and choose to operate within your giftedness each day. If you need to find this outlet outside your employment, by all means, find this outlet.

8. Accomplish one important task. Because happy people choose happiness, they take control over their lives. They don’t make decisions based on a need to pursue joy. Instead, they operate out of the satisfaction they have already chosen. They realize there are demands on their time, helpful pursuits to accomplish, and important contributions to make to the world around them. Choose one important task that you can accomplish each day and find joy in your contribution.

9. Eat a healthy meal/snack. We are spiritual, emotional, and mental beings. We are also physical bodies. Our lives cannot be wholly separated into its parts. As a result, one aspect always influences the others. For example, our physical bodies will always have impact over our spiritual and emotional well-being. Therefore, caring for our physical well-being can have significant benefit for our emotional standing. One simple action to choose happiness today is to eat healthy foods. Your physical body will thank you… and so will your emotional well-being.

10. Treat others well. Everyone wants to be treated kindly. But more than that, deep down, we also want to treat others with the same respect that we would like given to us. Treat everyone you meet with kindness, patience, and grace. The Golden Rule is a powerful standard. It benefits the receiver. But also brings growing satisfaction in yourself as you seek to treat others as you would like to be treated.

11. Meditate. Find time alone in solitude. As our world increases in speed and noise, the ability to withdraw becomes even more essential. Studies confirm the importance and life-giving benefits of meditation. So take time to make time. And use meditation to search inward, connect spiritually, and improve your happiness today.

12. Search for benefit in your pain. This life can be difficult. Nobody escapes without pain. At some point—in some way—we all encounter it. When you do, remind yourself again that the trials may be difficult, but they will pass. And search deep to find meaning in the pain. Choose to look for the benefits that can be found in your trial. At the very least, perseverance is being built. And most likely, an ability to comfort others in their pain is also being developed.

Go today. Choose joy and be happy. That will make two of us.

October 9, 2023 in Blog by Dee

What is Gaslighting?

By: Centerstone

Approximately three in four adults have no idea what gaslighting is and likely do not know the signs. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse intended to skew someone’s perception of reality in order to control them. It typically happens between romantic partners, friends, or parents and children.

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that can present in many forms and may differ in each relationship dynamic. “There are times when someone may not know that they are gaslighting you, and there are times when it is done intentionally,” says Deirdre Guilloton, Licensed Marital and Family Therapist at Centerstone. The person who might be gaslighting you (intentionally or unintentionally) is doing it with the intent to control you.

Someone who is being gaslit may pull away from their natural support system or friends and family, no longer engage in hobbies or joyful activities, ask permission to do things, or apologize more frequently. Being gaslit by someone you love and trust may alter your perception drastically. People who experience gaslighting often think that something is wrong with them. They may say they “feel crazy” or that things don’t make sense. Ultimately it hinders their ability to trust in themselves. They experience increased low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

Common phrases used to gaslight someone might be: You’re so dramatic, You’re imagining things, You’re not thinking clearly, You made me do that, You’re upset over nothing, You’re being paranoid, That never happened, I was joking—you take everything personally, You’re crazy, You know I never said that. While some of these might not always be used intentionally to gaslight you, they may still impact your mental and emotional health.

Here are some practices to help you or your loved ones prevent gaslighting:

• Keep a journal. Try to record your interactions with the person if it is safe to do so. This can be effective when the gaslighter tries to convince you that something different happened. Journaling is not only helpful in preventing gaslighting, but it will also increase your self-worth and reinforce your experience.
• Positive affirmations. “According to the theory by John Gottman, it takes five positive feelings or interactions to make up for one negative feeling or interaction, and in relationships, the ratio increases to twenty positive things per one negative thing,” says Guilloton. If you have low self-esteem due to being gaslit, try to write positive affirmations or record yourself saying nice things to boost your self-esteem.
• Use “I” statements. “Practice saying phrases such as, ‘I had a different experience than you,’ or, ‘I remember this differently,’” says Guilloton. If it’s safe, compare experiences with the person who might be gaslighting you, and use “I” statements as a way to identify what you remember.
• Find a support system. Seek support from a safe person, whether it is your therapist, church member, family member, or friend. Remember that not everyone is able to remove themselves from the person who is gaslighting them. Finding a perspective outside the relationship can help you better understand your experience.

Gaslighting and psychological abuse are difficult, but caring professionals are willing to listen and support you.