August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

Forgiving Family: Setting Healthy Boundaries

By: Centerstone

Have you seen the way that family is portrayed in television and films? Sometimes it can paint the picture-perfect family and more often than not it has a dysfunctional family. The one thing they all have in common, despite the portrayals of perfection or dysfunction, is the common theme that no family is, in fact, perfect. Family can be stressful for any person to deal with, but what about maintenance? How do we continue to repair and build healthy relationships with family members? One answer to this is learning to set healthy boundaries.

To determine what kind of boundaries to put in place for yourself and your family members, there needs to be a sense of self-reflection. Understand that no family is alike and everyone’s experiences are completely different with upbringing and previous trauma. There can be a lot of unlearning to be done and parenting is not always a success. Know that there is always room for growth and change within yourself and your relationships, but understand that without communication there is no moving forward.

Imagine that you and a family member are arguing, and there does not seem to be any improvement. Forgiveness might be one way to reach a resolution, but this is not as simple as saying I forgive you, there needs to be some work done on yourself and by those other family members. Below are some tips to forgiving your family and to begin having those conversations about healthy boundary setting.

• Reflection. There needs to be self-reflection. What is your worth? Determine what your needs are from this relationship. Ask yourself: Why do I have these beliefs or values? Why do I use these coping mechanisms? Recognize where it all stems from and you can see that you do have a choice in the matter.
• Communication. There needs to be an open conversation about feelings to begin setting boundaries. This is a stage where you can acknowledge feelings, really naming and normalizing them. Modeling communication from a therapeutic perspective can help engage your loved one. Try saying something like this: “I just noticed you seem uncomfortable about this—let’s talk about it.” Creating a safe space to discuss is imperative when articulating your feelings.
• It takes time. Know that it is never too late to repair a strained relationship. There is always a chance to try and reconcile with your family. “Sometimes boundaries will be met with resistance and that is normal. If the relationship is that important to you, keep adjusting those boundaries and determining what that they might look like for you,” says Ericka Davis, In-Home Therapist for Centerstone’s Early Childhood Services.
• Offer to understand. “Understanding that for family and parents to give something that they never experienced is hard. Though, likely most parents and family can remember their time as a child and can relate through their own experiences,” says Davis. Once there is understanding present there is recognition and acknowledgment that there is a way to work towards a healthier relationship.

Family relationships and healing are non-linear. Understand that people can revert back to old behaviors and attitudes, but you can keep setting those boundaries and adjusting to best suit your needs. Setting boundaries is a very brave and personal choice to make but know that you hold the power.

August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

7 Ways to Support Teen Self-Esteem

By: Centerstone

Over the years, it has become increasingly difficult for many teens to maintain good self-esteem. Even if your peers never bullied you, there can be a constant battle with the comparison that teens endure. “Teens are constantly comparing themselves to others,” says Sarah Saysoukha, Prevention Team Lead for Centerstone. “Social media has heightened this even more because it only shows a highlight reel of people’s lives. But seeing these highlights all the time can make you feel uninteresting. It’s hard to keep up.”

Beyond comparison, several other factors contribute to low self-esteem for teens. Familial abuse or neglect might majorly lower one’s self-esteem. “Having a trusted adult or family member helps teens feel supported,” says Whitney Salyer, Prevention Program Manager for Centerstone. “Therefore, lacking this crucial support system also contributes to lower self-esteem, even with no history of abuse.” Other factors that may lower self-esteem are poor body image, being discriminated against because of the identities you hold, bullying, and mental health challenges.

Having good self-esteem helps teens in every realm of their lives. Teens with high self-esteem are able to build better relationships, set helpful boundaries, exercise self-care, and make healthy decisions. Support from trusted adults, whether family or not, is one of the most significant contributors to high self-esteem in teenagers. If you are a trusted individual or a family member, here are some more practical ways to help teens build self-esteem:

1. Give them a voice. It is important for teens to feel like they are making decisions and in control of their own lives. Work to present opportunities for them to make decisions. These can be as simple as “You have time before and after soccer practice to do homework. Which would you rather do?”
2. Value their opinion. When there is a decision to be made, ask for your teen’s input. Communicate that you are listening to them and that what they say does have a bearing on how you make the decision. Try to ask them, “What would you do in this situation?”
3. Practice empowerment. Affirmation goes a long way. Let the teens in your life know that you appreciate who they are and the things they’ve accomplished. Go beyond saying, “I’m proud of you,” but make the compliments more personal. Try empowering their characteristics by saying things like you have a caring heart or you’re a good friend.
4. Encourage them. People tend to grow more from their failures than they do from their successes. Try to give teens the space to make mistakes—they are still growing and learning. Remind them that failure is okay and that it might even help them succeed in the future.
5. Learn from your teen. Take an interest in their interests. Ask them to talk to you about their favorite hobby, what their friends are like, or anything else that is important to them. Let your teen influence you, and give them the space to share their passions with you.
6. Support their needs. Be supportive of their needs at this stage in life. Be involved with their academics and help where they are struggling. Try to help them as they set necessary boundaries and make plans to accomplish their goals. Take an interest in this process, and let them know that you are there to help them.
7. Connect them with further support. There may be times when teens need more support than you can offer. Connect them with professional counselors to help with any mental health challenges they might face. Help them connect with specific cultures, communities, and more to help strengthen their identities.

August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

Strengthening Mental Health in Summer

By: Centerstone

Summer! Many of us view it as an exciting time to go out and do activities, take vacations, and spend more time outdoors. It can be a time full of excitement and happiness depending on how we spend our time. In fact, summer is a great time to invest in lifestyle habits and support your mental health. There is science that points to summer being a time of better mental health.

How the summer affects mental health

One of the main ways the summer can help with mental health is through the sunshine. Because of the warmer weather, many of us spend more time outdoors in the summer, plus the sun is out for longer than in other seasons.

The increased sun exposure boosts our vitamin D levels, and can even improve mood, leading to better mental health. Spending time in the sun also helps your body produce more melatonin (sleep hormone) at night, allowing you to sleep better and overall feel better.

While there are some stressors unique to summer, such as feeling overwhelmed by the amount of activities and getting less sleep, it is a good time for most people’s mental health. Therefore, it is a good time to set habits and prepare for the coming months that are colder and less energizing.

Forming habits

• Set boundaries. You don’t have to say yes to every opportunity you are presented with. Seek out the activities and plans that seem the best to you and take breaks when needed.
• Set a sleep schedule. Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule can help ensure you get adequate sleep. One possible way to do this is by sleeping with the sun – don’t stay up for too long once it is dark outside.
• Engage in physical activity. Improving your physical health can have great benefits on your mental health. With the warmer weather comes more opportunities for outdoor exercise and play. Set a standard for how active you are now so that you will more likely find ways to stay active moving forward.
• Have fun! Making an effort to improve your mental health intentionally is beneficial, but don’t let it get in the way of your fun. Setting rhythms, including therapy if needed, is great, but you must enjoy life too. Find a balance between responsibility and fun!

August 29, 2023 in Blog by Dee

How to Foster and Create New Friendships as an Adult

By: Centerstone

Good friends can give us a sense of purpose and support that can be hard to find on our own. Research shows that having solid friendships can benefit us by decreasing the intensity of some mental health symptoms, increasing our immunity, and helping us live longer. As we get older, personal and professional commitments can make it harder to find the time to manage current friendships and develop new ones. Lynda Killoran, Mental Health Outpatient Therapist at Centerstone, says “Some older persons tend to become more self-conscious, which can cause an increased fear of rejection. This can create a barrier to reach out, which can cause some people to not want to put themselves out there at all.”

When adults no longer have the social interactions that we naturally received from a school environment and school-based activities, it can be hard to create new social circles. Luckily, there are many options to help cultivate new friendships:

1. Take a class. Whether you have a hobby or skill you’ve loved your whole life, or there’s a new one you’ve always wanted to learn, taking classes to develop this skill is a great way to meet new people. You’ll be around like-minded people who share a common interest which can make initiating a conversation easy.
2. Volunteering is an easy way to get out in your community and make a difference, as well as develop relationships with other people who support the same cause(s) you do.
3. Join a recreational sports team. If being active is more your style, check out your city’s rec leagues! There’s nothing quite like a little bit of healthy competition to help bond a group.
4. Say yes. Sometimes, we can make great plans but feel differently when the time comes to engage. “Accept invitations to outings,” Killoran adds, “and say yes more because you never know who you could meet.”

For those who are more introverted and may feel intimidated by the idea of putting themselves out there, there are still some ways to create new friendships while still staying in your comfort zone.

1. Friends of friends. You may not have to look far for a new and meaningful friendship. Considering fostering relationships with acquaintances in your life and see where it leads.
2. Virtual groups. If you prefer a more low-key introduction, consider joining online classes or chat forums on topics that interest you. You can still be surrounded by like-minded people while also staying in the comfort of your own home.
3. Counseling. If you feel that your introversion limits your social interaction to the point of being unhealthy, you may want to speak to a licensed therapist. Group counseling may also be beneficial as it can allow for social connection without being overbearing.

Creating new friendships takes time and effort, so don’t feel discouraged if a connection isn’t formed overnight. Friendships are both important and necessary, and there is a friend out there for everyone.