May 8, 2022 in Blog by Dee

What to Do If You Hate Your Life

By: Kimberly Zapata

It may seem cliché, but life is hard. From growing up and working to paying bills, balancing budgets, and having and raising kids, “adulting” can be difficult. And let’s face it: some days are tougher than others. But what should you do if you’re feeling hopeless and the sensation that you hate your life isn’t a passing thing, brought on by a sudden circumstance?  The first step is to recognize that you’re unhappy. Once you’re self-aware enough to realize the problem, you can take action to make it better.

Of course, the “action” depends on the source of your unhappiness. “If you loathe your job, it’s time to consider finding a new one.  If you’re miserable in a relationship, there are other measures to take,” and so on and so forth. But either way, taking some action will help you improve your life and feel happier. However, that is easier said than done, because, as we all know, change doesn’t tend to come easily.

The good news is that there is hope. Following these steps can help you remove obstacles, alter your perception, and ideally, make you hate your life less.

Assess the basics

While certain baseline behaviors may seem obvious, i.e. everyone knows the importance of eating healthily, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep, when it comes to improving your life and/or mood, these factors are often overlooked. So “before taking any drastic measures, assess how much balance you have in these various areas of your life,” Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist in Chicago, says—and “make changes to your sleep, eating, exercise, or social life as needed.”

Step back, pause, and reflect on your circumstances

They say hindsight is 20/20, and for most, the age old adage is true. Situations and circumstances become clearer with time and distance. For that reason, practicing mindfulness or meditating before making any life altering decisions. Taking time to pause, sit in silence, and reflect will help you process your feelings and thoughts.  You can also try writing, journaling, or confiding in a trusted loved one or friend.

Remove negative talk and change your phrasing

Most people have an inner critic: a little voice in their head that tells them they are not good enough, smart enough, or doing enough—and that voice can cause considerable damage. “What we think and say can have harmful effects on us, if we’re not careful,” psychotherapist Flip Flippen says. For that reason, Flippen suggests reframing your thoughts and changing your language. “For example, when someone says, ‘I’m depressed,’ it would be better for them to say, ‘I’m feeling depressed.’ The first is a final statement, a declaration. The latter is a statement of current feelings or behaviors, not an ultimate destination or claim that can’t be altered.”

Avoid comparative thinking

They say comparison is the thief of joy, and for good reason. Comparing yourself to others can stall progress and set you up for failure. It is also an extremely discouraging habit. Instead, focus your attention on yourself and what you are good at. Make a list of successes or achievements and celebrate them—daily affirmations are handy here—and avoid situations which trigger comparative thinking, like social media.

Explore your passions

While everyone should do something that brings them joy on a daily basis, most of us don’t. Family, work, and life get in the way. However, the happiest individuals are the ones who, somehow, practice self-care. If there’s something that’s always interested you, that you haven’t taken the time to pursue—whether its traveling, mountain biking, cooking, or education—find others who are passionate about those things, and do it.  Being around folks who enjoy immersing themselves in life can be contagious and give you a greater sense of belonging and purpose.

If you find you are still dissatisfied with life after altering your thought patterns and behaviors, it’s time to make a plan.

May 8, 2022 in Blog by Dee

How To Feel Good About Yourself Using These 3 Steps

By: Kara Heissman

It is important that you feel good about yourself. More and more scientific evidence points towards a significant link between how you feel about yourself and your overall health and sense of well-being. Scientists have proven that feelings of inferiority have the capacity to pave the way to illness or disease. On the other hand, if you feel good about yourself, have a positive outlook, and maintain an active involvement in life, you’re more likely to be happy and healthy.

Our emotional state can be affected by a lot of things the environment we are in, the people we are with, the weather, the food we eat, how much sleep we’ve had, and so on. Feeling insecure, incapable and inadequate once in a while is part of being human, what matters is that you are able to make yourself feel better again.

If you feel as if you are currently in a state wherein you need some help on bolstering your feelings of self-worth, here are some ideas that you may find helpful:

Step 1: Reframe your identity

If you were asked to describe yourself, what would you say? What be the first adjectives that you would come out with? Experts say that a person’s self-worth can be assessed by the first five words that he would use to answer this question. If you answer with negative adjectives, then you would need to redefine how you think about yourself. Instead of focusing on the shortfalls in your life, bring to mind things that make you special.  For example, instead of branding yourself as a mere office worker, try looking at yourself as a great Mom or a great Dad. Pride yourself on your greatest achievements instead of highlighting flaws.

Step 2: Challenge negative self-talk

As we go about our daily lives, we constantly think about and interpret every situation that we encounter. It’s like we have this voice inside our head that talks us through everything. Psychologists call this inner voice “self-talk.” How this inner voice talks to us is based on our values, beliefs and our conscious and subconscious thoughts. If your self-talk is mostly negative, you will have a very hard time feeling good about yourself.

To correct negative self-talk, you need to learn to notice it as it happens, and consciously dispute and challenge these negative and irrational thoughts. Ask yourself questions like, “Are my thoughts factual?”, “Is this situation as bad as I am making out to be?” or “What can I do that will help me solve the problem?”. Make it a point to conquer self-defeating thoughts with positive and realistic thinking.

Step 3: Take time for yourself

In this world where everyone and everything seems to be in a rush, most of us don’t make ourselves a priority. Often we focus on catering to the needs of others and on being productive. Although it is good to take care of the people you love and fulfill your responsibilities at home and at work, you should not neglect your responsibility and obligation to yourself.

In the same way that you make others feel good when you take care of them, taking care of yourself will also bring about the same feelings. Make it a point that you allocate a certain amount of time each day for yourself to do things you love. Paying attention to yourself has been proven to improve self-esteem and feelings of self worth.

It is impossible for anyone to feel perfectly happy about who he is for their entire life. We are all bound to feel inferior or insecure every once in a while. Fortunately, our thoughts and feelings are not permanent and there are so many ways to love, accept and feel good about ourselves.