December 22, 2020 in Blog by Dee

TIPS FOR BACK TO SCHOOL ANXIETY DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC

By: Jonathan M. – Family First

Back to school season 2020 looms only weeks away and represents for many families their most uncertain schooling experience to date. Sitting with that uncertainty can allow sprouts of stress and anxiety to pop up in our kids. Though we’re equally unsure of what school will look like this fall, Families First would like to offer some ideas and strategies to help your children cope with the stress of going back to school during a global pandemic.

Like adults, kids are are creatures of habit and their routines have likely turned upside down over the past few months in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic. Because of this, they might be experiencing fear, anxiety, and confusion about what’s coming next. Children need routine, so consider going back to school as a chance to build a new routine that makes sense for your family’s situation. Approach this topic by accepting that things will look different and figure out what works best for your family. Then, clearly communicate this new routine with your child. Explain what they can expect their days to look like and let them know unexpected things might happen and that it is your responsibility as the parent to deal with them. Focus on the things you can control, such as morning and homework routines and try to consciously include one self-care task. This can be whatever works best for your family, such as a daily or weekly walk, meditation, or creating art.

These tumultuous times are affecting people in all different ways, but one common concern is that of safety. Start addressing this concern by making sure you follow up-to-date guidelines from credible health sources. Make sure kids understand the basic health guidelines such as wearing a mask, washing their hands effectively, and keeping a safe distance from others. Model these behaviors for them, so they know what’s expected. Help illustrate this point by explaining why these precautions are so important in age-appropriate language that isn’t scary or sensationalized. Wearing a mask and washing hands won’t always go perfectly, so if you’re struggling in these areas try to implement a reward system to encourage safe behaviors.

A technique you can use to calm a child’s anxiety is a deep breathing technique called “smell the cookies, blow the candles out.” Instruct them to take slow, deep breaths by imagining they’re smelling a plate of their favorite fresh-baked cookies and then blowing out a bunch of birthday candles. Deep breathing allows the brain to take a break and grounds the child and their body in the present moment.

If anxiety in your child pops up often, try to make time to have a focused conversation about it. Sit down and ask directly about their concerns and really listen. Always address topics they bring up with empathy and try to come up with a practical plan to help them work through their fears. Make sure to tell your child that they are loved and cared for. Remind them that you are not going to put them in harm’s way and that you are doing your best to make safe decisions.

Lastly, make sure you’re caring for yourself as well. Anxiety and stress in parents can build to the point of disrupted function, which negatively affects children. Take care of yourself so you can be the best caretaker for your kids. This is a stressful time for you too. You have had to adapt quickly into many different roles and make adjustments you’ve never had to even consider before. Give yourself the credit you deserve and check in with your own feelings often.

Before you put any of this advice to work, take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back because you’ve got this. You’re doing a great job.

December 22, 2020 in Blog by Dee

Parent Behaviors Linked to Kids’ Anxiety, Depression

By: Kathryn Doyle

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Young people whose parents tend to fight with each other or are over involved in their kids’ lives are at increased risk of depression and anxiety, according to a new comprehensive review of past studies.

Kids tend to first experience depression or anxiety between ages 12 and 18, the authors write. They reviewed 181 papers published on potential links between how parents behave and which young people experience either disorder.

It’s impossible to say how important parenting is relative to other factors that might influence depression and anxiety, like bullying at school, study author Marie Yap said, but “it is clear from the wider body of research that by virtue of their role and presence in children’s lives . . . parents have an incredibly important role, both directly and indirectly.”

Yap led the study at the Population Mental Health Group at the Melbourne School of Population and Global Health in Australia.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, depression affects between 5 percent and 10 percent of adolescents and anxiety, which may include panic disorders, affects about 25 percent of teens.

In the new analysis, stronger links were seen between parenting and depression, including sad moods and decreased interest in activities, as compared to anxiety.

Keeping track of kids whereabouts, or “monitoring,” while giving them an autonomous say in family decisions were parent behaviors associated with lower levels of depression.

Parents who were less warm, fought more, were over-involved or generally “aversive” had kids who more often experienced both depression and anxiety, according to the review in the Journal of Affective Disorders.

“In our meta-analysis, (aversiveness) includes harshness, meanness, sarcasm, hostility, criticism, punishment and shaming or rejecting behaviors by the parent towards the teenager, as well as parent-teen conflict,” Yap said.

“So in large part it can be summed as ‘meanness’, but it can also reflect a fracture in the parent-teen relationship where conflict is frequent, intense and unresolved.”

Identifying parental factors linked to depression could help inform prevention efforts, she said.

“There are a lot of factors that seem to be involved in the development of anxiety and depression that we can’t change,” Ron Rapee said.

Rapee is Distinguished Professor and Director of the Centre for Emotional Health at Macquarie University in Sydney, Australia. He is a colleague of Yap’s but was not involved in the review.

Genes, family history of mental health problems, poverty and ethnicity have been independently linked to teen mood disorders, and those are basically immutable.

“Parenting is one factor that should be possible to alter,” Rapee said. “So if we can identify ways that parents influence anxiety and depression in their children, then we can teach parents different ways of acting and prevent the development of these emotional disorders. “

Key messages from this study, he said, are that parents should try to be supportive, warm and open with their kids, give them clear guidelines and boundaries, but at the same time allow them freedom to learn from their own mistakes and not to over-control them.

“But the most important message for parents, perhaps by way of a caveat, is this: Don’t blame yourselves when things go wrong,” Yap said. “Such research evidence should be used to inform and empower parents in enhancing their children’s mental health, not to use for blaming them.”

December 22, 2020 in Blog by Dee

TECHNIQUES TO COMBAT ANXIETY

By: Masha Nelson – Family First

We are currently experiencing a troubling and uncertain time. In order to come out of this stronger, we need to figure out ways to cope with our anxiety and stress efficiently. During this time, combating our anxiety is equally as important as social distancing. If we do not have control of our minds, it affects our bodies and could eventually make us physically sick. Anxiety directly correlates with stress, and according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), “chronic stress can affect your health, causing symptoms from headaches, high blood pressure, and chest pain to heart palpitations, skin rashes, and loss of sleep.” Experiencing these stressful conditions could make you more susceptible to illness and we’re here to help prevent you from becoming another coronavirus statistic. Below, you will find some of my personal favorite anxiety reducers for staying in control of the body and mind.

• Technically we are machines. The body is designed for all our parts to work together. So just like a car, if something goes wrong and is ignored, it leads to damage. But human bodies don’t come with a “check engine” light, so it’s important to understand our body’s distress signals. Doing routine inventories of your bodily sensations helps you observe what’s going on physically and emotionally. Take advantage of the knowledge that the mind affects the body and use that to heal yourself: such as the link between anxiety and your physical state. At the end of a yoga practice, it is common to lay in a plank pose and release bodily tension. To practice on your own, bring a relaxing awareness to each part of the body, starting with the crown of the head and work down to the toes. This exercise ignites awareness to parts of the body we don’t often think about and helps relieve tension we don’t even know we’re carrying. This exercise can be done sitting or lying down. Try incorporating this technique before going to bed or after waking up to make it a habit. But you can do a version of this technique pretty much anywhere.

To learn more and follow a guided meditation, click here.

• One of the wisest things my mom told me growing up was not to solve problems before bed. As hard as it sounds, it does get easier with time to tuck worries far, far away for the night. Staying up, looking at social media, and Googling your problems will not only take away from your sleep time, but it also feeds anxiety. Making a to-do list for the morning signals to your brain that your worries and concerns are noted and will be dealt with later. Don’t try and focus on how to fix everything, but when, such as tomorrow. Concentrating on the “how” creates more counterproductive anxiety. The best way to pacify the brain is to give it ways to “turn off.” One exercise called “4-7-8” quiets your mind and makes you feel drowsy, so don’t “4-7-8” and drive!

To learn more about this technique, click here.

• Our brain is capable of re-structuring and fixing some of the damages made by internal or external circumstances. The concept is called neuroplasticity. According to William C. Shiel Jr., MD, FACP, FACR, the brain has an ability “to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life.” The brain heals itself by identifying an issue on one side of the brain and forms a new connection between the brain cells. This takes time, but somehow the brain knows where and how to fix itself! This means the brain can be more powerful than our bodies. When a limb is cut off, our body can’t grow a new one, but our brains make new connections all the time. Harness this power by rerouting your worries into healthy habits. The habit must be hard enough to fully occupy the mind, but easy enough that you don’t give up and jump back into worry. For example, counting backwards from 1000 by subtracting 7. This goes a lot faster after you get the hang of it and can be done without paper or calculator. If this exercise is done every time an anxious loop pops up, the brain will start automatically switching to the exercise without getting lost in anxious thoughts. You know you’ve done this right if you start counting down seemingly out of nowhere. Once this happens, you and your brain are working as a team.

To learn more about rewiring your brain, click here.

As we go forward, we need to learn how to cope and adapt to what is ahead. The best way to prepare is to develop tools to cope with anxiety and remain mindful of what our body needs.

December 22, 2020 in Blog by Dee

KIDS AND MENTAL HEALTH: FUN WAYS TO TALK TO ABOUT IT

By: Family First

Mental health means emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Our mental health affects how we think, feel, and act. It determines how we handle stress, relate to other people, and make decisions. And it’s important for everyone, at every stage of life—starting in very early childhood. But it may not be something your parents ever discussed with you. So how do you know what to say?

As parents, we want our kids to be happy, and it makes sense that we try to keep them that way. But as they navigate life’s challenges, changes, and disappointments, we should keep in mind that they’re also learning the importance—and the value—of tough-to-process feelings that might seem mostly negative.

Should you just sit down with your kids and announce that you’d like to talk about feelings? We can’t say it won’t work, but if you’re looking for more entertaining options, we have a few to suggest.

Stories

Kids are natural lovers of stories, whether in books, cartoons, or movies. And stories are an ideal way to start talking to kids about what feelings are, and why they’re important.

For very young kids, My Many Colored Days by Doctor Seuss explores the range of emotions we all feel through color and animals, two subjects that preschoolers find naturally fascinating. On orange days, the narrator explains, “I’m a circus seal!” But on green days: “Deep, deep in the sea. Cool and quiet fish. That’s me.” The book naturally invites questions: “What color do you feel today?” or “What does blue feel like to you?” There are no right or wrong answers, and your child’s insights may surprise you.

In the Pixar movie Inside Out, feelings have the starring roles. The main characters are the five emotional moods of an 11-year-old girl named Riley. Their names are Joy, Anger, Fear, Disgust, and Sadness. Riley’s world is upside-down since her parents moved the family to a new home in San Francisco.

Riley’s emotions, led by Joy, try to guide her through this difficult, life-changing event. However, the stress of the move has brought Sadness to the forefront. Without really meaning to, Sadness is starting to color all of Riley’s happiest core memories. To complicate matters, Joy doesn’t really see the worth in Sadness. But when Joy and Sadness get stranded together in the depths of Riley’s mind, Joy finds that Sadness has an important part to play.

There are scenes that show clearly how even a happy and secure life contains moments of loss. Sadness helps Riley to understand and process the changes she’s experiencing internally, due to changes she’s dealing with externally. But because Riley learns to cope with these losses, the movie’s ending is ultimately a happy one.

After watching the movie, ask questions. What feelings has your child experienced? When were they experienced most strongly? And what makes even difficult feelings important players on the emotional team?

Games

Games are another great way to explore feelings and start conversations. One classic that works well with younger kids is Candyland. Since spaces are designated by color, it’s easy to adapt the game to talk about feelings. For example, when the player lands on red, he or she could answer a question about anger: What makes you angry? What do you do when you’re angry? How do you know when someone else is angry? And so on. Again, there are no right or wrong answers here. The important thing is to start the conversation.

Speaking of anger: It can be one of the toughest for kids—and parents—to talk about constructively. At Families First, we sometimes use a card game called Mad Dragon to work with kids and families specifically on anger. Played similarly to UNO, the game helps kids and their families understand what anger feels like and looks like. It helps players express their feelings, spot anger cues, and understand that they have choices.

Stress Relief

Kids experience a lot of stress, and it’s important that kids learn how to deal with those stressful moments without escalating the situation. Of course, it’s better to have this conversation when you’re not both totally stressed out. Pick a time when stress is under discussion, but in which you still seem to be able to hear one another.

Use balloons to get the conversation started. Have the children imagine their overall stress or anger as a balloon. Explain that every time you add to the balloon, it gets a little bigger, and it gets a little closer to bursting. They don’t want the balloon to burst, so if it seems to be getting too full of stress or anger, they just need to let a little of it out. It’s an analogy that helps kids understand that it’s okay to have negative feelings, but that they don’t need to let it build and build.

How can kids let stress and other powerful emotions out?

• Deep, conscious breathing. Breathe in for a 4 count, hold for a 3 count, and let it out for a 5 count.

• Coloring pages. When kids can really focus on something else, especially something basic, it gives them a break from the more complicated thoughts and feelings that they may be struggling with.

• Go for a walk or get some exercise. This is not just a stress outlet. Exercise helps to release natural stress-fighting chemicals called endorphins.

Find More Parenting Tips Through Families First

Parents and caregivers who want help with mental health questions or other issues can always turn to Families First. Our parenting education programs help parents explore the positive impacts they can make in their kids’ lives.

If you’d like to take part in one of these programs, or help out, contact us. And we can always use more support for our work to build stronger families, more resilient individuals, and more optimistic futures.