April 14, 2020 in Blog by Dee

Coronavirus (COVID-19): Helping Kids With Autism Cope

By: KidsHealth

The coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak is keeping parents and kids home — and away from others — to help stop the spread of the virus. Adjusting to a new routine is stressful for everyone, but especially for children with autism who have trouble with change.

Find ways to help your child understand what’s going on and what to expect from day-to-day. This will help your child adjust and even thrive during this time.

What Should I Tell My Child About Coronavirus?

Kids with autism may not know what is going on, or might not be able to express their fears and frustrations.

So it’s important to talk to your child about coronavirus in a way that’s simple to understand. Be clear, direct, and honest. For example, “Coronavirus is a germ. It can make people very sick. We have to stay away from others to stay healthy.”

Then, explain that children will stay home from school and do schoolwork at home, parents may work from home, and any activities or family trips will be put on hold.

Go over important rules, and help your child to:

• Wash hands well and often (for at least 20 seconds).
• Try not to touch their nose, mouth, and eyes.
• Practice social distancing, keeping at least 6 feet away from other people.
• Wear a cloth face covering or face mask in public places.

Give your child space and time for questions, but don’t offer more detail than your child asks for. For example, if your child asks about people who are sick, answer the question. But don’t bring up the topic if it doesn’t come up.

How Can I Help My Child Understand?

Kids with autism may need extra support to understand what’s going on around them, and what’s expected of them in some situations.

Social stories are stories that teach kids what happens in some situations, and explain what kids should do in those situations. Many social stories have pictures to go along with them. Use social stories, pictures, or other visuals to help your child know the steps for:

• washing hands and other ways to stay healthy and safe
• social distancing
• distance learning
• new routines at home

You know how your child learns best, so use learning methods that have worked in the past.

How Can I Help My Child Adjust?

Routines are comforting for kids with autism, so do your best to keep as many of them as you can. Stick to regular bed and wake-up times, meal and snack times, screen time, chores, and other household routines.  Build in new routines to include school work, breaks, and exercise.

When possible, help your child take control by giving a couple of choices. For example, you could let your child choose what to eat for lunch. When doing school work, you can ask what your child would like to do next.

Visual schedules and to-do lists can help kids know what to expect, while timers and 2-minute warnings can help with transitions.

Having a set routine and clear expectations will help lower the anxiety that can happen when things change.

How Can I Help My Child Stay Calm?

Kids with autism who feel frustrated, worried, or scared may have more repetitive behaviors (like hand flapping or rocking), tantrums, and other challenging behaviors.

Find ways for your child to express feelings. To help kids work through strong emotions, try:

• talking together
• doing crafts
• writing
• playing or acting out fears
• for kids who are nonverbal, using augmented (or alternative) communication devices

Also try calming activities, such as deep breathing, music, or watching a favorite video throughout the day. Exercise also can help ease anxious feelings.

Limit the time kids spend on social media or watching scary or upsetting news reports. When kids do hear or read something upsetting, talk about it to help ease fears.

While caring for your child, be sure that you take breaks and recharge too.

What Else Should I Know?

Your child’s health care provider, teacher, or behavior or learning specialist can offer more tips to help your child during this time.

Talk to your provider if you notice changes in sleeping or eating habits, or if your child seems more worried or upset than usual. These may be signs of anxiety or depression.

For non-urgent health care or behavioral health visits, a provider might be able to see you through a telehealth visit so you won’t have to leave home.

For more on how to help your child, visit the Autism Speaks website and AFIRM’s COVID-19 online toolkit.

April 14, 2020 in Blog by Dee

Anxiety Disorders With Children

By: KidsHealth

What Are Anxiety Disorders?

Anxiety disorders cause extreme fear and worry, and changes in a child’s behavior, sleep, eating, or mood.

What Are the Kinds of Anxiety Disorders?

Different anxiety disorders can affect kids and teens. They include:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). GAD causes kids to worry almost every day — and over lots of things. Kids with GAD worry over things that most kids worry about, like homework, tests, or making mistakes.

But with GAD, kids worry more, and more often, about these things. Kids with GAD also worry over things parents might not expect would cause worry. For example, they might worry about recess, lunchtime, birthday parties, playtime with friends, or riding the school bus. Kids with GAD may also worry about war, weather, or the future. Or about loved ones, safety, illness, or getting hurt.

Having GAD can make it hard for kids to focus in school. Because with GAD, there is almost always a worry on a kid’s mind. GAD makes it hard for kids to relax and have fun, eat well, or fall asleep at night. They may miss many days of school because worry makes them feel sick, afraid, or tired.

Some kids with GAD keep worries to themselves. Others talk about their worries with a parent or teacher. They might ask over and over whether something they worry about will happen. But it’s hard for them to feel OK, no matter what a parent says.

Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD). It’s normal for babies and very young kids to feel anxious the first times they are apart from their parent. But soon they get used to being with a grandparent, babysitter, or teacher and they start to feel at home at daycare or school.

But when kids don’t outgrow the fear of being apart from a parent, it’s called separation anxiety disorder. Even as they get older, kids with SAD feel very anxious about being away from their parent or away from home. They may miss many days of school. They may say they feel too sick or upset to go. They may cling to a parent, cry, or refuse to go to school, sleepovers, play dates, or other activities without their parent. At home, they may have trouble falling asleep or sleeping alone. They may avoid being in a room at home if their parent isn’t close by.

Social Phobia (social anxiety disorder). With social phobia, kids feel too afraid of what others will think or say. They are always afraid they might do or say something embarrassing. They worry they might sound or look weird. They don’t like to be the center of attention. They don’t want others to notice them, so they might avoid raising their hand in class. If they get called on in class, they may freeze or panic and can’t answer. With social phobia, a class presentation or a group activity with classmates can cause extreme fear.

Social phobia can cause kids and teens to avoid school or friends. They may feel sick or tired before or during school. They may complain of other body sensations that go with anxiety too. For example, they may feel their heart racing or feel short of breath. They may feel jumpy and feel they can’t sit still. They may feel their face get hot or blush. They may feel shaky or lightheaded.

Selective Mutism (SM). This extreme form of social phobia causes kids to be so afraid they don’t talk. Kids and teens with SM can talk.  They do talk at home or with their closest family and friends.  However, they will refuse to talk at all at school, with friends, or in other places where they have this fear.

Specific Phobia. It’s normal for young kids to feel scared of the dark, monsters, big animals, or loud noises like thunder or fireworks. Most of the time, when kids feel afraid, adults can help them feel safe and calm again. But a phobia is a more intense, more extreme, and longer lasting fear of a specific thing. With a phobia, a child dreads the thing they fear and tries to avoid it. If they are near what they fear, they feel terrified and are hard to comfort.

With a specific phobia, kids may have an extreme fear of things like animals, spiders, needles or shots, blood, throwing up, thunderstorms, people in costumes, or the dark. A phobia causes kids to avoid going places where they think they might see the thing they fear. For example, a kid with a phobia of dogs may not go to a friend’s house, to a park, or to a party because dogs might be there.

What Are the Signs & Symptoms of Anxiety?

A parent or teacher may see signs that a child or teen is anxious. For example, a kid might cling, miss school, or cry. They might act scared or upset, or refuse to talk or do things. Kids and teens with anxiety also feel symptoms that others can’t see. It can make them feel afraid, worried, or nervous.

It can affect their body too. They might feel shaky, jittery, or short of breath. They may feel “butterflies” in their stomach, a hot face, clammy hands, dry mouth, or a racing heart.

These symptoms of anxiety are the result of the “fight or flight” response. This is the body’s normal response to danger. It triggers the release of natural chemicals in the body. These chemicals prepare us to deal with a real danger. They affect heart rate, breathing, muscles, nerves, and digestion. This response is meant to protect us from danger. But with anxiety disorders, the “fight or flight” response is overactive. It happens even when there is no real danger.

What Causes Anxiety Disorders?

Several things play a role in causing the overactive “fight or flight” that happens with anxiety disorders. They include:

Genetics. A child who has a family member with an anxiety disorder is more likely to have one too. Kids may inherit genes that make them prone to anxiety.

Brain chemistry. Genes help direct the way brain chemicals (called neurotransmitters) work. If specific brain chemicals are in short supply, or not working well, it can cause anxiety.

Life situations. Things that happen in a child’s life can be stressful and difficult to cope with. Loss, serious illness, death of a loved one, violence, or abuse can lead some kids to become anxious.

Learned behaviors. Growing up in a family where others are fearful or anxious also can “teach” a child to be afraid too.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Diagnosed?

Anxiety disorders can be diagnosed by a trained therapist. They talk with you and your child, ask questions, and listen carefully. They’ll ask how and when the child’s anxiety and fears happen most. That helps them diagnose the specific anxiety disorder the child has.

A child or teen with symptoms of anxiety should also have a regular health checkup. This helps make sure no other health problem is causing the symptoms.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Treated?

Most often, anxiety disorders are treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This is a type of talk therapy that helps families, kids, and teens learn to manage worry, fear, and anxiety.

CBT teaches kids that what they think and do affects how they feel. In CBT, kids learn that when they avoid what they fear, the fear stays strong. They learn that when they face a fear, the fear gets weak and goes away.

In CBT:

• Parents learn how to best respond when a child is anxious. They learn how to help kids face fears.
• Kids learn coping skills so they can face fear and worry less.

The therapist helps kids practice, and gives support and praise as they try. Over time, kids learn to face fears and feel better. They learn to get used to situations they’re afraid of. They feel proud of what they’ve learned. And without so many worries, they can focus on other things — like school, activities, and fun. Sometimes, medicines are also used to help treat anxiety.

How Can I Help My Child?

If your child has an anxiety disorder, here are some ways you can help:

• Find a trained therapist and take your child to all the therapy appointments.
• Talk often with the therapist, and ask how you can best help your child.
• Help your child face fears. Ask the therapist how you can help your child practice at home. Praise your child for efforts to cope with fears and worry.
• Help kids talk about feelings. Listen, and let them know you understand, love, and accept them. A caring relationship with you helps your child build inner strengths.
• Encourage your child to take small steps forward. Don’t let your child give up or avoid what they’re afraid of. Help them take small positive steps forward.
• Be patient. It takes a while for therapy to work and for kids to feel better.

April 14, 2020 in Blog by Dee

Top 10 Homework Tips

By: KidsHealth

Kids are more successful in school when parents take an active interest in their homework — it shows kids that what they do is important.

Of course, helping with homework shouldn’t mean spending hours hunched over a desk. Parents can be supportive by demonstrating study and organization skills, explaining a tricky problem, or just encouraging kids to take a break. And who knows? Parents might even learn a thing or two!

Here are some tips to guide the way:

• Know the teachers — and what they’re looking for. Attend school events, such as parent-teacher conferences, to meet your child’s teachers. Ask about their homework policies and how you should be involved.
• Set up a homework-friendly area. Make sure kids have a well-lit place to complete homework. Keep supplies — paper, pencils, glue, scissors — within reach.
• Schedule a regular study time. Some kids work best in the afternoon, following a snack and play period; others may prefer to wait until after dinner.
• Help them make a plan. On heavy homework nights or when there’s an especially hefty assignment to tackle, encourage your child break up the work into manageable chunks. Create a work schedule for the night if necessary — and take time for a 15-minute break every hour, if possible.
• Keep distractions to a minimum. This means no TV, loud music, or phone calls. (Occasionally, though, a phone call to a classmate about an assignment can be helpful.)
• Make sure kids do their own work. They won’t learn if they don’t think for themselves and make their own mistakes. Parents can make suggestions and help with directions. But it’s a kid’s job to do the learning.
• Be a motivator and monitor. Ask about assignments, quizzes, and tests. Give encouragement, check completed homework, and make yourself available for questions and concerns.
• Set a good example. Do your kids ever see you diligently balancing your budget or reading a book? Kids are more likely to follow their parents’ examples than their advice.
• Praise their work and efforts. Post an aced test or art project on the refrigerator. Mention academic achievements to relatives.
• If there are continuing problems with homework, get help. Talk about it with your child’s teacher. Some kids have trouble seeing the board and may need glasses; others might need an evaluation for a learning problem or attention disorder.

April 8, 2020 in Blog by Dee

30 Tips For Involving Children In Housework

By: First Family Indiana

Getting everyone in the family involved in household chores is a win-win. It’s good for parents, because let’s be honest, you could use some help. It’s good for the kids because it teaches them responsibility and what it means to be part of a family. Here are some steps and ideas to get you started!

• Make a list of all the housework.
• While we are using the word “chore” as a shortcut in this post, think about maybe not even using the word “chore” at home. Family contributions or housework might be better word choices, since chore has a negative connotation.
• Divide tasks up into Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Seasonal.
• Invite all members to a family meeting.
• Present your list in the meeting so everyone sees all the chores.
• Explain who does what right now and how you’d like everyone in the family to help.
• Ask kids which chores they would like to do, or think they can handle.
• Getting input and buy-in from kids helps! They’ll have some control and say.
• Create a “signup sheet” so family members can put their name next to a chore they’d like to do.
• Encourage children to take chores related to pets, their own bedrooms, playrooms, etc.
• Don’t limit kids’ chores to their own belongings or spaces. Living spaces, kitchen chores, setting the table—these are good for children to help with, too.
• Organize chores and/or checklists in a fun way—charts, desk or wall calendar, a dry-erase board on the fridge, stickers for little ones. Get creative!
• If your family is more tech-savvy, try free apps like ChoreMonster and Mothership.
• Use a rewards system. Positive reinforcement is a great way to keep everyone motivated.
• Speaking of rewards, try “experience” rewards in addition to money or candy/treats. For example: Do something fun with the family at the end of a whole month of everyone sticking with their housework!
• Organize the cleaning closet. Brooms, mops, vacuum, cleaning cloths, dusters and cleaners should be easy for everyone to get what they need.
• Invest in convenience items like a light, cordless vacuum for stairs, Swiffer, magic erasers, cleaning wipes, etc, to make cleaning easier for kids.
• Make time on the weekends for everyone to do some weekly housework together.
• Teach older children to do their own laundry! Even younger children can help by making sure their laundry basket makes it to the laundry room on a certain day, or days, of the week.
• Be consistent! This goes for every aspect of parenting.
• Talk about consequences if chores are not done. Make sure to set expectations and follow through with consequences.
• Have regular conversations or meetings about chores, division of labor, what is going well and what needs improvement.
• Keep it positive!
• Talk about your feelings when you’re frustrated. This is a great opportunity to model good communication. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with housework, tell them how that makes you feel and why you are asking for help.
• Use YouTube and Google to look for cleaning tips, hacks for making housework easier, and other methods for more efficient cleaning.
• Some experts recommend NOT tying chores to children’s allowance. Helping with housework is every family members’ responsibility, because that’s what being part of a family is about. Tying allowance to chores can reinforce a negative lesson (what’s in it for me?), but ultimately it’s up to parents to figure out what works best. More about this topic here.
• Don’t forget meal preparation and cooking as part of the list of tasks and responsibilities for kids.
• Browse Pinterest for sticker charts and chore calendar downloadable.
• Educate yourself on positive parenting strategies! Many parents find themselves nagging kids to get XYZ done on a daily basis. Get some help by attending a Parent Cafe or Parenting Education class.
• Angie’s List put together a great chart for age appropriate chores for kids!

April 8, 2020 in Blog by Dee

The Role Confidence Plays in Leadership

By: Peter Barron Stark

Confidence is the cornerstone of leadership. You can teach a leader to be an effective problem solver; more decisive; a better communicator; how to coach, mentor and hold team members accountable; and many other fundamentals of leadership. Yet, without that leader first believing in himself or herself, true leadership will exist only in title. A leader that is technically qualified for the position, but lacks confidence, will find it difficult to lead others. As Francisco Dao says, “Self-confidence is the fundamental basis from which leadership grows. Trying to teach leadership without first building confidence is like building a house on a foundation of sand. It may have a nice coat of paint, but it is ultimately shaky at best.”

Some people may think that leaders who are overly aggressive in their communication and/or leadership style have strong confidence. When taken to an extreme, leaders who are overly aggressive are even referred to as bullies. Interestingly enough, people with strong confidence do not have a need to be overly aggressive to get their goals accomplished. Being overly aggressive is actually a sign of a lack of confidence, not having strong confidence.

People like to work with leaders who are truly confident. There is a natural tendency to trust people more when they appear confident. For most of us, dealing with a confident person helps assure us that the person is also competent. Of course, you could argue that someone could be trusted, but not confident, or confident, and not trusted. This could be the case sometimes, but it’s not typical.

Generally, when a leader exhibits confidence, it makes it easier to trust that leader, and people want to work with leaders they trust.

In reality, self-confidence is a more important asset than skill, knowledge, or even experience. Without confidence, you will find it difficult to make tough decisions, lead meetings with authority, get people to communicate with you candidly, and be open to feedback, particularly when it is of the constructive type. Without confidence, you will second guess your decisions and find yourself becoming defensive, when challenged. Without confidence, you may find yourself sadly lacking in one very important component of leadership… followers.

When leaders exhibit confidence, they typically:

• Are happy: They feel positive about their ability to lead people and deal with daily challenges. The have a “can do” attitude about whatever comes their way. Their team members appreciate working with an upbeat leader who holds a positive vision.
• Have better relationships: They enter into positive, productive relationships. They feel good about themselves, treat others well and in turn, are treated well by others.
• Are motivated and ambitious: They set goals and are motivated to accomplish them. They believe that the work they do is important and makes a difference in the company or even the world.
• Laugh more: They can see the humor, even in challenging situations, and have the ability to put things into perspective. They also laugh sooner and more often.
• Are open to risks: Or at least calculated risks. They confidently forge into the unknown and learn from their mistakes. They are not safely mired on the sidelines, but in the thick of the play.
• Recognize success: Not only do they look for opportunities to genuinely recognize the success of others, they are also able to openly receive compliments, never discounting the sender by saying, “I was just doing my job.”
• Accept feedback: They welcome feedback from others and put their ideas into action. Because of their receptivity, people keep coming to them with feedback and ideas for improvement, helping the leader continue to grow and develop.
• Think for themselves: They have a deep sense of their core values – what is right and wrong, and although open to feedback from others, confidently form their own opinion or pick their own course of action. They are easy to follow, because their words and actions are in alignment and consistent.

Remember, it is confidence that separates average leaders from great leaders. Now that you see the role that confidence plays in leadership, ask yourself if you need to continue building your confidence.

April 8, 2020 in Blog by Dee

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