March 9, 2018 in Blog by Dee

Five Easy Ways to Connect with Students

By: H. Richard Milner IV

In theory and rhetoric, the notion that teachers must build relationships with students is logical and well accepted. In my work in schools, I rarely, if ever, hear practitioners contest the idea that relationship building is a critical aspect to their success with students in any classroom or school.

The question, however, is how do teachers and other educators build those relationships? Further, how do educators sustain them—especially during times of conflict—in order to maximize learning opportunities?

At its root, building relationships with students is about meeting students where they are, attempting to understand them, and developing connections with them. From the outset, it requires that teachers are willing to find the good and the worth in students. All students possess positive characteristics and attributes, but these are sometimes overlooked and undervalued. To make these important connections, teachers may have to refocus and sharpen their lenses for thinking about students, especially when they have known students only in a negative light. Teachers have to ask themselves: “Am I prepared to recognize talent, potential talent, intellect, skill, excellence, and ability when they emerge in an unexpected social context or with an unexpected group of students?”

Teachers should feel empowered and poised to take advantage of the many micro- or classroom-level practices that can assist them in learning about and cultivating relationships with their students. Here are five that I recommend in particular:

1. Interview Your Students. Teachers sometimes spend infinite amounts of time talking about students to their colleagues or to students’ parents but minimal time actually talking to students themselves. This strategy suggests that teachers engage in conversations with students themselves to learn from and about them. Teachers can then incorporate this learning into the class curriculum and teaching. In my university classroom, I utilize this strategy. For instance, when I learn of a student’s interest in a particular aspect of education, I remain mindful of that area of interest. When I am reading journals and books, or when I am engaged in research projects, I often make copies of writing or related information that may be of interest to that student and share the materials with him or her.

2. Give assignments that allow students to share their experiences and interests. In language arts, assignments might include journal writing or essay writing. In social studies, assignments might include family history projects or local community-studies projects. In mathematics or science, assignments might include student-constructed word problems or community-based inquiry projects where students investigate the effects of environmental realities on health, crime, and/or poverty in their community.

3. Encourage classroom discussions that let students be the center of attention. Teachers should not always be at the center of discussions but should allow students to share events and experiences from home and their community. Students should be allowed to share whatever information they feel comfortable discussing. When I taught high school English, I used to facilitate what I came to call “rap sessions” that allowed students to have conversations with each other about what was happening in their lives inside and outside of school. The students developed topics that they wanted to discuss, and we selected a few that allowed them to debate issues or just to share their perspectives on a particular theme. The experience was inundated with learning opportunities: it allowed students to think about and construct a position; it allowed students to develop counter-positions; it helped students learn to substantiate their positions, listen to others, and build coherent narratives; and it provided students space for voice and authority in the classroom. These discussions gave students an opportunity to develop their own voice and perspective and allowed me to gain more knowledge about them.

4. Attend extracurricular activities featuring your students. It means something to students when teachers take time out of their schedules to visit an activity they are involved in. I shall never forget the time my third-grade teacher attended my football game at a city park. Needless to say, I played at my highest capacity that game, and I remember feeling a great sense of pride that my teacher had supported me in this way. In the third-grade classroom, I remember putting forth more effort after this experience and looking at my teacher with an intensified level of respect. It is important for teachers to attend students’ activities—such as their plays or sporting events—even when they are not on duty as coaches, chaperones, directors, or sponsors. Teachers from elementary through high school should feel a sense of responsibility to be present at events that help complete students’ educational experiences such as those connected to extra-curricular activities.

5. Visit a site in your students’ community. When teachers immerse themselves in a student’s community, they get a first-hand view of the student’s life outside the learning environment. I recall that my mother, who owned a beauty salon in my community, saw my second-grade teacher every other Thursday when my mother styled her hair. Moreover, other teachers who taught my sister, me, and many of my friends also received services from my mother’s beauty salon. Of course, I am completely confident that there were conversations about me and my academic performance during those appointments when my mother styled my teacher’s hair. My second-grade teacher was building knowledge about me, the community, and other students in the community because my friends’ parents also visited my mother’s shop for services.

These activities are not complicated but take time and planning. Yet they have great potential to help teachers deepen their knowledge about students, build important relationships with them, and develop curriculum and instructional practices that are meaningful to students.

March 9, 2018 in Blog by Dee

Resolving Conflict: Six Simple Steps to Keeping the Peace

By: Susan Steinbrecher

One of the most challenging roles of an effective leader is that of “peacekeeper.” Resolving conflicts in the workplace takes negotiation skills, patience, and a healthy dose of emotional intelligence (EI).

Wikipedia’s definition of EI is: “the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others and of groups.” A wide variety of models and definitions have been proposed throughout the years on emotional intelligence, but it is a scientifically accepted and measurable characteristic of effective management.

So how can executives tap into this “EI factor” to solve pervasive conflict in the workplace?

The conflict resolution model that is recommended involves six basic steps and three golden rules. This is an influencing model that works for discussions that involve problem solving. It may be used for conflict resolution, as well as in other business applications. It is particularly effective when it’s necessary to hold a person accountable — be it a performance review or any type of agreement — even a peer-to-peer issue.

Here’s how it works: In any dialogue, there are two fundamental needs that must be met — the ego need and the practical need. The ego needs are: to be listened to, valued, appreciated, empathized with, involved, and empowered. The practical need refers to the obvious: the reason for having the discussion that focuses on the conflict that needs to be solved.

To address both needs, employ the Three Golden Rules of Engagement:

1. Listen and respond with empathy
2. Be involved; ask for the other person’s opinions, ideas and thoughts
3. Maintain and affirm self-esteem

Remember that a great deal of the message you are trying to convey is done so by your body language and tone of voice. The body, soul and heart cannot lie — unless you are a diagnosed sociopath! So keep these things in mind when responding.

Using the example of the employer or manager, and employee, sets examples that follow. One scenario deals with chronic tardiness, the other deals with a personality conflict affecting a team project. The most important thing to keep in mind is that if the employee doesn’t feel that they were heard or that they have achieved a “win” out of the discussion then they will not be motivated or resolve to change.

It all comes down to compliance versus commitment. Without question, the person involved in the discussion or conflict resolution will be far more committed to the outcome if they feel empowered by it. As you go through the six-step process, look for ways to weave in the golden rules: listening and responding with empathy, maintaining or affirming self-esteem and involving the person. Remember to make eye contact and address the person by name in all exchanges.

Six Steps to Conflict Resolution

1. Discuss the situation in a respectful manner. Example: “I noticed you’ve been late with the project targets a number of times this month, which seems out of character for you – you’re always so reliable!” Don’t say, “You are always late meeting deadlines.” This just gets the person’s back up.

2. Be specific. If you say, “I noticed that on Tuesday the 15th, as well as Monday and Friday of last month you were several days late submitting your portion of the project brief,” the person realizes you are aware of the situation and that they have to address the issue. Their explanation is a perfect opportunity for you to listen and respond with empathy. Remember: you do not necessarily have to agree with someone to empathize with them. You are simply attempting to put yourself in that person’s shoes – if only for a moment — not condemning or condoning the behavior.

3. Discuss how a conflict (or problem) impacts you, the work group, or the project. “I am not sure you are aware of the full impact of the conflict between you and your team. The other associates are witnessing this, and it is making them uncomfortable… what do you feel is going on?” Remember, you are asking not telling.

4. Ask for the specific cause of the conflict. “From your perspective, what is happening here? You get along well with most everyone here so what is causing the conflict?” Remember to empathize again after their response, rather than say, “Yes, but you’ve got to get along.” The word “but” negates everything positive you just said.

If you have to fall on a conjunction, pick “and.” “Yes, I can imagine the challenge this presents — and we need to come up with a solution. What ideas might you have?”

5. Ask for the solution. For instance, “What do you think you need to do to help solve this situation? What is your next step?” This brings in accountability.

6. Agree on the action to be taken. This step is often missed and it’s the most important one. Think of it as a recap. “So what I am hearing you say is that you are going to talk this through with your team members (discuss details). By when were you thinking of doing that?” The last step is to close on a positive note and ask them to get back to you on the outcome.

Leaders, entrepreneurs and business executives from all backgrounds can benefit by learning the art of heart-centered communication — which is simply, authentic communication that comes from a place of respect for self and others. When a heart-centered approach to conflict resolution is engaged, more often than not, it can make the difference between positive and negative outcomes.