September 11, 2012 in Blog by Dee

How To Be Happy: Tips for Cultivating Contentment

By Mayo Clinic

Are you tired of waiting around for happiness to find you? Stop waiting and start getting happy with these tips.

Do you know how to be happy? Or are you waiting for happiness to find you? Despite what the fairy tales depict, happiness doesn’t appear by magic. It’s not even something that happens to you. It’s something you can cultivate. So, what are you waiting for? Start discovering how to be happy.

How to be happy: What science tells us

Only 10 percent or so of the variation in people’s reports of happiness can be explained by differences in their circumstances. The bulk of what determines happiness is your personality and — more modifiable — your thoughts and behaviors. So, yes, you can learn how to be happy — or at least happier.

Although you may have thought, as many people do, that happiness comes from being born rich or beautiful or living a stress-free life, the reality is that those things don’t confer lasting happiness. Indeed, how to be happy can’t be boiled down to one thing. Happiness is the sum of your life choices. People who are happy seem to intuitively know this, and their lives are built on the following pillars:

Devoting time to family and friends
Appreciating what they have
Maintaining an optimistic outlook
Feeling a sense of purpose
Living in the moment

How to be happy: Practice, practice, practice

The good news is that your choices, thoughts and actions can influence your level of happiness. It’s not as easy as flipping a switch, but you can turn up your happiness level. Here’s how to get started on the path to creating a happier you.

Invest in relationships

Surround yourself with happy people. Being around people who are content buoys your own mood. And by being happy yourself, you give something back to those around you.

Friends and family help you celebrate life’s successes and support you in difficult times. Although it’s easy to take friends and family for granted, these relationships need nurturing. Build up your emotional account with kind words and actions. Be careful and gracious with critique. Let people know that you appreciate what they do for you or even just that you’re glad they’re part of your life.

Express gratitude

Gratitude is more than saying thank you. It’s a sense of wonder, appreciation and, yes, thankfulness for life. It’s easy to go through life without recognizing your good fortune. Often, it takes a serious illness or other tragic event to jolt people into appreciating the good things in their lives. Don’t wait for something like that to happen to you.

Make a commitment to practice gratitude. Each day identify at least one thing that enriches your life. When you find yourself thinking an ungrateful thought, try substituting a grateful one. For example, replace “my sister forgot my birthday” with “my sister has always been there for me in tough times.” Let gratitude be the last thought before you go off to sleep. Let gratitude also be your first thought when you wake up in the morning.

Cultivate optimism

Develop the habit of seeing the positive side of things. You needn’t become a Pollyanna — after all, bad things do happen, and it would be silly to pretend otherwise. But you don’t have to let the negatives color your whole outlook on life. Remember that what is right about you almost always trumps what is wrong about you.

If you’re not an optimistic person by nature, it may take time for you to change your pessimistic thinking. Start by recognizing negative thoughts as you have them. Then take a step back and ask yourself these key questions:

Is the situation really as bad as I think?
Is there another way to look at the situation?
What can I learn from this experience that I can use in the future?

Find your purpose

People who strive to meet a goal or fulfill a mission — whether it’s growing a garden, caring for children or finding one’s spirituality — are happier than those who don’t have such aspirations. Having a goal provides a sense of purpose, bolsters self-esteem and brings people together. What your goal is doesn’t matter as much as whether the process of working toward it is meaningful to you. Try to align your daily activities with the long-term meaning and purpose of your life. Research studies suggest that relationships provide the strongest meaning and purpose to your life. So cultivate meaningful relationships.

Are you engaged in something you love? If not, ask yourself these questions to discover how you can find your purpose:

What excites and energizes me?
What are my proudest achievements?
How do I want others to remember me?

Live in the moment

Don’t postpone joy waiting for a day when your life is less busy or less stressful. That day may never come. Instead, look for opportunities to savor the small pleasures of everyday life. Focus on the positives in the present moment. Don’t spend your time rehashing the past or worrying about the future. Take time to stop and smell the flowers.

September 11, 2012 in Blog by Dee

The Power of Music To Reduce Stress

By Jane Collingwood

The soothing power of music is well-established. It has a unique link to our emotions, so can be an extremely effective stress management tool.

Listening to music can have a tremendously relaxing effect on our minds and bodies, especially slow, quiet classical music. This type of music can have a beneficial effect on our physiological functions, slowing the pulse and heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and decreasing the levels of stress hormones.

As music can absorb our attention, it acts as a distraction at the same time it helps to explore emotions. This means it can be a great aid to meditation, helping to prevent the mind wandering.

Musical preference varies widely between individuals, so only you can decide what you like and what is suitable for each mood. But even if you don’t usually listen to classical music it may be worth giving it a try when selecting the most calming music.

When people are very stressed, there is a tendency to avoid actively listening to music. Perhaps it feels like a waste of time, not helping to achieve anything. But as we know, productivity increases when stress is reduced, so this is another area where you can gain vast rewards. It just takes a small effort to begin with.

To incorporate music into a busy life, try playing CDs in the car, or put the radio on when in the bath or shower. Take portable music with you when walking the dog, or put the stereo on instead of the TV.

Singing (or shouting) along can also be a great release of tension, and karaoke is very enjoyable for some extroverts! Calming music before bedtime promotes peace and relaxation and helps to induce sleep.

Research on Music

Music has been used for hundreds of years to treat illnesses and restore harmony between mind and body. But recently, scientific studies have attempted to measure the potential benefits of music. They have found:
•Music’s form and structure can bring order and security to disabled and distressed children. It encourages coordination and communication, so improves their quality of life.
•Listening to music on headphones reduces stress and anxiety in hospital patients before and after surgery.
•Music can help reduce both the sensation and distress of both chronic pain and postoperative pain.
•Listening to music can relieve depression and increase self-esteem ratings in elderly people.
•Making music can reduce burnout and improve mood among nursing students.
•Music therapy significantly reduces emotional distress and boosts quality of life among adult cancer patients.

Meditation

Certain music is appropriate for meditation as it can help the mind slow down and initiate the relaxation response. However, not all peaceful or “New Age” music works for everyone. Music with no structure can be irritating or even unsettling. Gentle music with a familiar melody more often is comforting. But search around to find what produces a sense of calm, familiarity, and centeredness for you as an individual.

The sounds of nature often are incorporated into CDs made specifically for relaxation. For example, the sound of water can be soothing for some people. It can help conjure up calming images such as lying beside a mountain stream on a warm spring day. Birdsong may also be of use as an aid to help your mind slow down and release stressful thoughts.

Music Therapy

Because music has the potential to influence us both psychologically and physiologically, it is an important area of therapy for stress management. Music therapy can make use of biofeedback, guided imagery, and other established techniques to play an important role in the treatment of people with stress-related disorders. But due to the dramatic effects music can have, a trained and knowledgeable music therapist always is required.

When used in combination with biofeedback techniques, music can reduce tension and facilitate the relaxation response. It may be more compatible with relaxation than verbal stimuli, which may be distracting — music is processed mainly in nonverbal areas of the brain.

Music may help people to identify and express the feelings associated with their stress. In a music therapy session, the client can express these emotions, providing an important cathartic release.

Producing music in an improvisational way, and discussing pieces of music and lyrics in a group, can also help us become more aware of our emotional reactions and share them constructively with the group.

Thinking More Clearly

Finally, listening to music can help the brain by improving learning and memory skills, always useful when we’re under stress. This has come to be known as “The Mozart Effect.” Experiments carried out by scientists at the University of California at Irvine found that students’ test scores improved after listening to a recording of Mozart, compared with either a relaxation tape or silence. This may be because the processing of music shares some of the same pathways in the brain as memory.

September 11, 2012 in Blog by Dee

Kindergarten Anxiety: Tips to Ease Kindergarten Jitters and Fears

By Katherine Lee

It’s understandable for children to experience first day kindergarten anxiety. Imagine what it must be like to suddenly leave the familiar comfort of home and be dropped into a new environment where everything and everyone is different.

There are new routines and new expectations, and Mom and Dad are not around to reassure you and make you feel better. No wonder the first few days of kindergarten can be fraught with tears and trauma for many children.

But there are ways parents and teachers can ease children into kindergarten and help alleviate fears and anxiety in the first days of kindergarten. Here are some great tips and strategies to keep in mind for your child’s first days of kindergarten:

Downplay the milestone. Ratcheting up expectations and highlighting the first day of kindergarten as a really big deal with a capital “D” is likely to backfire if all the fuss makes your child more nervous than he/she already is.

Instead, try to compare kindergarten to something he is already familiar with, such as preschool or even a kids’ music class he may have enjoyed. Explain that kindergarten will be a place where he will make friends and have fun, just like he may have done with groups of kids before. And as tempting as it might be to record your child’s first day at kindergarten, do leave the video camera at home.

Connect school to home. Some schools arrange for teachers to meet with students before school starts. Talk to your child’s school about arranging a visit before the first day of kindergarten. Some teachers also ask parents to send in a family photo to be posted in the classroom to help kids feel more connected to their home life while at school. Similarly, having a copy of the daily activities schedule and talking to your child about his day at school can help bring school into the home.

Read a book together about starting school. Reading about other children who might have fears and anxiety about starting school may be comforting to kids who are experiencing the same feelings. Elizabeth Kennedy, About.com’s Guide to Children’s Books, has compiled an excellent list of books about starting school.

Try to minimize your own anxiety. Just as it’s perfectly normal for your child to feel some anxiety on the first days of kindergarten, it’s absolutely normal for you to feel anxious when you see your child upset. And it’s also understandable that you may experience some frustration when you see other children playing happily and your child is still clinging to your legs for dear life.

But here is the most important thing for you to remember: Your child will adjust to his new classroom eventually. It may take some kids a bit longer than others, but the fact is that it will happen, especially if you respond with understanding and patience and keep your eyes on the prize: a happy child who loves going to school and seeing his friends (it will happen!).

Don’t stay too long. Reassure your child that you will be back and say a quick goodbye. Lingering will only make it more difficult for your child to see you go, and she will cry harder the next time because she will see that it’s an effective way to get you to stay. As wrenching as it may be for you to walk away while your child is crying, chances are that she will be playing happily soon after you are out of sight. But don’t sneak out as this may undermine your child’s trust and could worsen separation anxiety.

Identify his/her anxiety. What exactly is he/she afraid of? Talk to your child and find out what he is worried about. Is he/she concerned that you won’t return? Is he/she afraid that someone will be mean to him/her? Or that he/she won’t know where the bathroom is or that he/she won’t know what they’re supposed to do? Once you establish what his/her specific fears are you will be better able to address his/her concerns and work with your child and his/her teacher to find ways to handle them.

Have faith in the teachers. Your child will hardly be the only one in the classroom who experiences separation anxiety, nor will he be the first one the teachers have had to comfort after mom, dad, or a caregiver are gone. Experienced teachers will be ready with morning routines, songs, games, and other fun activities to get your child into the swing of things while he/she adjusts to her new surroundings.

Send along a favorite comfort object. If your child has a favorite lovey, ask your child’s teacher if you can send it along. Most schools have a policy of allowing kids to bring such objects to school but restrict them to cubbies or backpacks and only let kids take them out during rest time. In many cases, just having a favorite comfort object nearby can give kids a sense of security.

Don’t put a time limit on how long it should take. For some kids, first day kindergarten anxiety may not last beyond a few days if they happen at all. For others, tears and school fears may go on for weeks. Just as each child has his own individual set of experiences and personality and anxiety that may be influencing his feelings about starting school, the time it takes to adjust to school will vary from one child to another.

Before you know it, your reluctant kindergartener will look forward to seeing his friends at school and participating in the activities and games in class. Whether your child’s kindergarten anxiety lasts a few days or a few months, it will be a phase he/she will go through as she grows into a confident grade-schooler.

September 11, 2012 in Blog by Dee

Stress: Constant Stress Puts Your Health At Risk

By Mayo Clinic

Your body’s stress reaction was meant to protect you. But when it’s constantly on alert, your health can pay the price. Take steps to control your stress.

Your body is hard-wired to react to stress in ways meant to protect you against threats from predators and other aggressors. Such threats are rare today, but that doesn’t mean that life is free of stress.

On the contrary, you undoubtedly face multiple demands each day, such as shouldering a huge workload, making ends meet, taking care of your family, or just making it through the morning rush hour. Your body treats these so-called minor hassles as threats. As a result you may feel as if you’re constantly under assault. But you can fight back. You don’t have to let stress control your life.

Understanding the natural stress response

If your mind and body are constantly on edge because of excessive stress in your life, you may face serious health problems. That’s because your body’s “fight-or-flight reaction” — its natural alarm system — is constantly on.

When you encounter perceived threats — a large dog barks at you during your morning walk, for instance — your hypothalamus, a tiny region at the base of your brain, sets off an alarm system in your body. Through a combination of nerve and hormonal signals, this system prompts your adrenal glands, located atop your kidneys, to release a surge of hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol.

Adrenaline increases your heart rate, elevates your blood pressure and boosts energy supplies. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, increases sugars (glucose) in the bloodstream, enhances your brain’s use of glucose and increases the availability of substances that repair tissues.

Cortisol also curbs functions that would be nonessential or detrimental in a fight-or-flight situation. It alters immune system responses and suppresses the digestive system, the reproductive system and growth processes. This complex natural alarm system also communicates with regions of your brain that control mood, motivation and fear.

When the natural stress response goes haywire

The body’s stress-response system is usually self-regulating. It decreases hormone levels and enables your body to return to normal once a perceived threat has passed. As adrenaline and cortisol levels drop, your heart rate and blood pressure return to baseline levels, and other systems resume their regular activities.

But when the stressors of your life are always present, leaving you constantly feeling stressed, tense, nervous or on edge, that fight-or-flight reaction stays turned on. The less control you have over potentially stress-inducing events and the more uncertainty they create, the more likely you are to feel stressed. Even the typical day-to-day demands of living can contribute to your body’s stress response.

The long-term activation of the stress-response system — and the subsequent overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones — can disrupt almost all your body’s processes. This puts you at increased risk of numerous health problems, including:

Heart disease
Sleep problems
Digestive problems
Depression
Obesity
Memory impairment
Worsening of skin conditions, such as eczema

That’s why it’s so important to learn healthy ways to cope with the stressors in your life.

Why you react to life stressors the way you do

Your reaction to a potentially stressful event is different from anyone else’s. How you react to stressors in your life includes such factors as:

Genetics. The genes that control the stress response keep most people on a fairly even keel, only occasionally priming the body for fight or flight. Overactive or underactive stress responses may stem from slight differences in these genes.

Life experiences. Strong stress reactions sometimes can be traced to early environmental factors. People who were exposed to extremely stressful events as children, such as neglect or abuse, tend to be particularly vulnerable to stress as adults.

You may have some friends who seem laid-back about almost everything and others who react strongly at the slightest stress. Most reactions to life stressors fall somewhere between those extremes.

Learning to react to life stressors in a healthy way

Stressful events are a fact of life. And you may not be able to change your current situation. But you can take steps to manage the impact these events have on you. You can learn to identify what stresses you out, how to take control of some stress-inducing circumstances, and how to take care of yourself physically and emotionally in the face of stressful situations.

Stress management strategies include:
Eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise and plenty of sleep
Practicing relaxation techniques
Fostering healthy friendships
Having a sense of humor
Seeking professional counseling when needed

The payoff of managing stress is peace of mind and — perhaps — a longer, healthier life.